Sincerely, Jenni

#LIFE #FAIL

June 10, 2013 2 Comments

FAIL The picture pretty much sums it up. This has pretty much been my life lately. I am failing at every possible thing imaginable. The kids’ summer sports are in full swing, and so everything else is put on the back burner.

I’ve gotten pulled over twice in the last week and a half for speeding. I came away with one warning and one $114 ticket. We got a notice in the mail that I made an error on our tax return a couple years ago, and we now owe money to the state. My 6 year old laptop took a crap and I’ve had to try and move everything I possibly can over to my husband’s laptop– itunes, pictures, our checkbook… UGH.

I have no energy, yet I stay up late at night because I can’t sleep. I’m eating poorly, and have I mentioned I QUIT WEIGHT WATCHERS??? I hate even admitting that, because that one thing alone is pretty much the icing on the big fat FAIL CAKE I’m currently snacking on. [Actually, I've been surviving on concession stand food, meatball footlongs from Subway and Dr. Pepper, but I digress...] I work all day, come home, snack on junk, and head to the ball fields. Come home, watch TV, go to bed and the next day… rinse and repeat. The weekends are chaotic, and I feel like when I do get home, I have no idea where to even begin.

My husband has taken over the laundry, because apparently I’m seriously too lazy to get off the couch and do it myself. My blogging has been non-existent, and I honestly think I’ve cooked TWO meals in the last month. [And I might be overestimating there.] I’ve lost the battle with giving up caffeine, and it’s been months since I’ve exercised.

No kidding.

I cannot be one of those moms that clips coupons, has a clean house, clean kids, clean laundry, a balanced checkbook and still has time to run to the gym. I cannot be that mom. I WANT to be that mom, oh how badly I WANT TO BE THAT MOM. Sadly, my motivation and desire and ambition have all taken a long-ass vacation to some sunny tropical resort and apparently forgot to invite me.

I make myself to-do lists in the morning and by the time I get home from work, I forget about them. I get fired up during the day to go home and pack my lunch for the next day, get a gym bag ready, and then when I get home– those thoughts disappear from my brain because I’ve got too many other things going on. Really, I only have two kids to keep track of– it shouldn’t be this overwhelming for me.

I don’t know if its the weather, our lack of summer or whatever… I have no energy. I’m in a rut, my friends, and I need to get out. I need a break, I need to recharge and just have some time to get caught up on everything I’m behind on. I know that in the midst of so many bad things happening in this world, I should be grateful for the blessings I have, but SERIOUSLY PEOPLE!!!

Because right now? I’m just keeping my head above water. BARELY.

Someone please tell me you’ve been through this before, and know how to fix it.

Review: Still Alice by Lisa Genova

May 31, 2013

Still Alice cover have you ever thought what it would feel like to have Alzheimers? To have a healthy body, but an unhealthy mind? To not be able to remember a certain word, forget where you are going, and as the disease progresses, to not know your own spouse or children?

Author Lisa Genova gives us the opportunity to know how all that would feel in her novel, Still Alice. Alice Howland is a fifty-year old Harvard professor, a wife and mother of three grown children. She is diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers Disease after she visits a doctor to discuss her forgetfulness which she has mistakenly blamed on menopause.

This book was recommended to me by a friend, and I have had it on my iPad for a couple months. I finally decided to start reading. Once I got a few pages in, I simply could NOT put it down. I ended up reading the entire 300 page book in one night. It was a quick and interesting read, and as you probably already know, with Alzheimers, there is never a happy ending.

I always make jokes about myself that I have Alzheimers. I forget where I put something, I will walk into a room and forget why I went in there in the first place. I also sometimes forget something my kids swear they already told me about. But after reading Still Alice, I have a whole new understanding and empathy for those that suffer from this tragic illness.

I loved reading about Alice’s changing relationship with her children, her relationship with her colleagues and students, and even her final decision to quit teaching. My only negative I took away from the book was that I didn’t like her husband very much. I guess I can’t put myself into the shoes of someone who has had a spouse with this illness, but I was hoping he would have acted differently and made different decisions as to how he dealt with her diagnosis.

I would definitely recommend this book. It would be a great book club choice!

I don’t want this to end yet…

May 27, 2013

It’s amazing how fast life can move. One minute I’m raising infants and toddlers, and the next minute I’m watching my children walk across the stage and accept their diploma. All those years in between seem to melt together and turn into one jumbled mess of memories. Yesterday, my stepson graduated from high school. When [...]

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Book Review: “Tortured Memory” by Lawrence Gold

May 1, 2013

Tortured Memory by Lawrence W. Gold, M.D. My rating: 4 of 5 stars The novel starts out describing the police finding Dr. Abbie Adler in a catatonic state in her vehicle in a deserted area. The story then goes back to the beginning, telling a dark story that leaves you guessing as to how it will [...]

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Book Review: “DJ’s Lullaby” by Lucy Rivas Enriquez

April 30, 2013

DJ’s Lullaby: A Mother’s Love Song by Lucy Rivas Enriquez My rating: 5 of 5 stars As a birthmother myself, I have always been a strong proponent of adoption. I think it is an amazing experience to be able to give a child to a mother that is unable to carry her own child. While [...]

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