Sincerely, Jenni

One of the main reasons I was against doing foster care in the beginning was because we only wanted to adopt. I didn’t think I would be able to handle getting close to a child, bonding with them, having them become attached to our family, and then sending them home. I was worried that there was a big chance that we would never see them again, and it made me sad. I’m not strong enough.

Or am I?

That’s a fear a lot of people have when dismissing foster care as something they are capable of.

So let me tell you about “Spark.”

Spark is our 8-year old foster child and he been in our home a little over a month. He was removed from mom’s house, and then sent to live with his dad. At the end of March, Spark and his three sisters were removed from Dad’s home. I can’t tell you the reasons why, so we’ll just leave it at that.

Spark has moved around a lot, and was basically playing the role of parent to his three younger sisters. For this reason, he was placed in a foster home separate from them, in the hopes that his foster family would give him the chance to just be a kid.

That’s exactly what we are doing.

Spark is getting the chance to be a normal 8-year old boy. He is playing baseball, and he is riding his bike, and he is able to go play at the school playground and hang out with the neighborhood kids. He is fitting in so well with our family, it’s just seems like he’s been here forever.

Are we bonding and attaching with him? Yes, but not like you would think. He calls us by our first names, and that’s fine. Some foster kids immediately start calling their foster parents “Mom” and “Dad” but all kids process things differently. Spark does not give us hugs yet, and we don’t force the issue. He does require that I tuck him into bed each night, and the only physical affection I have attempted so far is patting the top of his head after I’ve tucked him in, and sometimes I put my around him when he comes up to talk to me.

Kids (especially kids Spark’s age) struggle with attaching to their foster families, for fear of betraying their parents. I think sometimes Spark worries that if he gets to comfortable in our family, he is going to upset his parents.

It’s a tough line he’s balancing.

Bottom line, we had to go into this process knowing that no matter what– we would be happy for whatever is in Spark’s best interest. If he goes back to his parents, we will be happy for him. We will be sad to see him leave, but rejoice that a family is being reunited.

If he stays with us forever, we’d of course be overjoyed at that outcome too. On the other hand, there would be a grieving process because he’d be losing his birth family.

Foster care requires patience, compassion, empathy, and LOVE. It’s being able to love a child that is not yours– unconditionally. So many families out there have the room in their hearts and their home for just one more, but just aren’t ready to commit.

Think about it. It will change your life and the life of a child.