Why I Don’t Run, and Why I Finally Did

The track at my company's wellness center.  20 laps = 1 mile.

The track at my company’s wellness center. 20 laps = 1 mile.

For the last several days, I have been walking on the track at my company’s wellness center. They keep the temperature cool in there, and one whole side of the track is windows so you can see outside. It’s a good environment, but lordy — it’s boring walking in a circle for 90 minutes a day (I walk 30 minutes at lunchtime, and 60 minutes after work). You have to have some good music or at least a walking partner.

I’ve been wanting to get started on the Couch-to-5K Program for years, and I’ve never actually just gone and done it. I’ve got several different apps on my phone, but I just haven’t done it.

So yesterday as I walked the track listening to my “Workout” playlist, I thought about the real reason I haven’t tried to start running.

My PRIDE.

Bottom line, I am afraid to run when people can see me. When I jog, I feel my fat jiggling. I can feel my boobs bouncing up and down. I know I don’t have the proper form, and I worry how far I can go without having to stop and walk. I cringe when people on the track run past me, because I so badly want to just skip ahead to that point where I can just step onto the track and take off.

I’m scared I will fail. PERIOD.

Yesterday, there were other people on the track and others using the equipment around the track for the first 45 minutes I was there. Finally, I looked at the clock and thought “I only have 15 minutes left to try and run. Hopefully this last person will leave soon.”

No sooner had that thought crossed my mind, when the last person finally climbed off the stairclimber and walked out. I was all alone on the track.  No more excuses.  I took a few deep breaths and decided that I would make it a goal to just get halfway around the track. Seriously, a whole lap is only 1/20th of a mile. But I was starting at ground zero here, people. I was going from NO running to actually just doing it.

So half a lap. I could do this, right?

I finally bit the bullet and just did it. When I was almost to the half-lap mark, I decided I would try and just get all the way around.

I was breathing heavy, and my heart felt like it was going to thump right out of my chest.

BUT I DID IT. I made it all the way around. I walked another lap, and then decided I would try again. I did this routine of run a lap, walk a lap for about 15 minutes.

I ran, and I didn’t die.

I’m considering that a good start.

  3 comments for “Why I Don’t Run, and Why I Finally Did

  1. Sharon
    Twitter: sharclark36
    January 9, 2013 at 8:47 AM

    Perfect! I know exactly what you’re talking about – I am one of the THE BEST at talking myself out of things. I over-think EVERYTHING and then just figure I’ll be better off if I just don’t bother, there are so many things that can go wrong!
    GREAT JOB just doin’ it! That is always the hardest part, so you’ve already triumphed! Woot woot!! Kiss
    Sharon´s last blog post ..A Girl’s Gotta Eat…

    • January 9, 2013 at 9:19 AM

      Thanks Sharon! I need all the support and encouragement I can get!

      P.S. Glad to see you’ve started a blog!

  2. January 10, 2013 at 6:57 AM

    Good for you! I would say you are off to a good start and even if you don’t “run” every day at least you are moving it. I have all the excuses in the world…..but the real issue is lack of discipline. Maybe I will find it soon. Keep it up—-you are doing great!
    Beth Ann Chiles´s last blog post ..Reconfiguring? You Betcha!

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