We Did It!

WE DID IT!

We completed 10 weeks of classes (every Tuesday night from 6-9pm) at the community college 30 miles away. Just one more home visit, and we are finished with the process. Soon we’ll be official– whenever our approval comes in the mail.

Last night’s class was not just a celebration, but we still had some learning to do. We discussed allegations that can be made towards us by both the children in our home, as well as their birth parents. These include the allegations that are made in innocence, where something is misconstrued or misunderstood by a child. There are also the allegations that are made maliciously by a child or adult, where they hope that their allegations result in a child returning home to their birthparents, or even just getting moved. Many times these allegations occur out of insecurity or jealousy, or because a birth parent feels helpless.

We went around the room and all 10 couples had to answer a few final questions for the class:

1. What is your final decision– what route are you choosing (foster care, adoption only, foster/adoption, respite care, or are you bowing out because it is not the right time for you)? How did you come to this decision? How has your decision changed from when you first started the class?

2. What is your family’s biggest strength? Also identify a need your family has.

3. What age range of children are you willing to accept? Gender preference? Sibling group? Any behaviors you feel you cannot parent? Any physical characteristics you feel you cannot parent?

Here are OUR answers:

1. We have decided to foster/adopt and be dually licensed for both. Originally, we went into this process thinking we wanted to adopt, but something in our hearts changed. During our second home visit this past Friday night, our caseworker received a call about an emergency placement for 2 little boys, age 4 & 6. Reason for removal? Physical abuse. It was a Friday evening, DHS was closed, and workers were trying to do everything they could to find a home for these kids so they wouldn’t have to go to a shelter. That was when I KNEW we were able to do foster care. Because in that moment? I would have taken those kids in a heartbeat– no questions. I would have welcomed them into my home and taken care of them. Those two little boys that we don’t even know have made us decide to become foster parents. Someday we will adopt, someday we will just KNOW when the right time is for us, which child is the perfect fit for our family.

2. Some of the couples in our class that do not have kids already said their strength is that they don’t have any other children, so they are able to give their full attention to their foster child. I, on the other hand, believe that our biggest strength is that we are a large blended family. We have four kids, and I am already a parent to children that are not mine by birth. I also believe that our kids are our biggest strength because they are amazing kids with kind, generous hearts. They would be such good role models to the children we welcome into our home. Not only that, but we have a wonderful support system in our family and friends. We wouldn’t be able to make this work if it wasn’t for our family.

3. At this time, we are still limiting ourselves to boys, but we are ruling out infants. We signed up for boys ages 2-9, and we are willing to take up to a sibling group of 2. (Our home is being licensed for 3 children, but one of those openings is due to our youngest daughter having a bunk bed. We decided we did not feel comfortable asking either of our two daughters to give up their personal bedroom space, so for now– we have room for two.)

What we have ruled out: Violent children, children with history of animal/pet abuse, fire starters, sexualized behavior, running away, and self-destructive behavior. Autism. Mental Retardation, cerebral palsy, blindness (in other words, pretty much any physical disability that would make a child have problems maneuvering our in 4-level split home.) We also are not able to parent a child with Conduct Disorder. A more detailed checklist is being mailed to us, but for now, these are things we have ruled out.

I was very happy to see that ALL of the couples (like US) that came into the class the first night wanting to adopt, decided last night to do foster care as well.

So what happens now? Well, we sit and wait. Wait for our paperwork to be typed up and sent in by our caseworker. Wait for a license to come in the mail. Then wait for a phone call.

But for now, we can at least say…WE DID IT!!!!!!