The Mom I Want to Be

Random thoughts today:

I want to be more like this mom. I want the prayer basket, the warm quiet place to read, and the opportunity to sit and soak it all in.

I want to be more like this mom, with her quick wit and good heart. She isn’t afraid to admit she’s not perfect, but she will be the first to admit she’s OK with that.

I want to be as creative as this mom, and have her sense of fashion and flair.

I want the strength of this mom, who can make her way through any trials and tribulations in life with dignity and grace.

I want the social skills of this mom. I want to be able to walk into a room and start up a conversation with a complete stranger. I can’t do that, but she sure can.

I want to be more like this mom, who makes the time to take care of her family, but still has time for her own activities.

I want to be as put together and organized as this mom. I want to feel successful as a parent, as a wife, and as a woman.

But the kind of mom I am? I have a to-do list miles long. I take each day as it comes, and if I can get through the day without anyone getting injured or sick, I chalk it up to being a success. I get up, get ready for work, come home, take my kids to the places they need to be, eat when we’re able to, and then it’s bedtime. I go to sleep only to wake up to another day of “more of the same.”

I want to slow down.
I want to make time for God.
I want to make time for exercise.
I want to make time for my family.
I  need to make time for keeping my house in order.

I want to be the mom that gets up in the morning before everyone else, exercises, reads her Bible, and already knows what we’re having for dinner that night. I want to be the mom that doesn’t act or look stressed from juggling too many activities. I want to be the mom that can take part in book clubs, church Bible studies, and going for coffee with other moms. I don’t like being the mom that struggles with adding one more appointment, meeting or activity to an already overflowing calendar.

I try to come across as being one of those Moms that has it all together. Well dressed and well-behaved kids, a clean house, finances in order, and a good balance between work, home and LIFE. Sometimes I succeed at this, other times I fall flat on my face. More often than not, falling flat on my face is becoming the norm.

You may see me public with my kids in tow, and think I am this well-dressed put-together mom who can handle anything. You may read my blog posts and think I have it all, and everything I touch turns to gold (actually, I’m laughing as I write that.)

What you don’t see is that I am probably daydreaming– thinking the only thing I really want to do is go home, put on my sweats and watch TV while eating a bag of BBQ potato chips.

You don’t know that I feel nervous when meeting new people, and am terrified of starting a conversation with someone I don’t know.

You don’t see that I am a homebody, and would be perfectly content staying home every night and every weekend.

You don’t see me cringe at myself in the mirror every morning, because I am unhappy with my appearance.

You don’t see me panic every time my kids ask me “What’s for dinner?” because most of the time, I JUST DON’T KNOW.

I worry all the time of what people think of me, and how I appear to others.

I worry that people don’t like me.

I worry about the future.

I worry about how I will keep up with such a hectic pace in my life for much longer.

I don’t want to be this type of mom. I wanna be THAT mom, the moms I read about in my blog reader. Those moms that make me want to be better. Those moms that inspire me, make me laugh and make me admire them.