The Mom I Want to Be

Random thoughts today:

I want to be more like this mom. I want the prayer basket, the warm quiet place to read, and the opportunity to sit and soak it all in.

I want to be more like this mom, with her quick wit and good heart. She isn’t afraid to admit she’s not perfect, but she will be the first to admit she’s OK with that.

I want to be as creative as this mom, and have her sense of fashion and flair.

I want the strength of this mom, who can make her way through any trials and tribulations in life with dignity and grace.

I want the social skills of this mom. I want to be able to walk into a room and start up a conversation with a complete stranger. I can’t do that, but she sure can.

I want to be more like this mom, who makes the time to take care of her family, but still has time for her own activities.

I want to be as put together and organized as this mom. I want to feel successful as a parent, as a wife, and as a woman.

But the kind of mom I am? I have a to-do list miles long. I take each day as it comes, and if I can get through the day without anyone getting injured or sick, I chalk it up to being a success. I get up, get ready for work, come home, take my kids to the places they need to be, eat when we’re able to, and then it’s bedtime. I go to sleep only to wake up to another day of “more of the same.”

I want to slow down.
I want to make time for God.
I want to make time for exercise.
I want to make time for my family.
I want to need to make time for keeping my house in order.

I want to be the mom that gets up in the morning before everyone else, exercises, reads her Bible, and already knows what we’re having for dinner that night. I want to be the mom that doesn’t act or look stressed from juggling too many activities. I want to be the mom that can take part in book clubs, church Bible studies, and going for coffee with other moms. I don’t like being the mom that struggles with adding one more appointment, meeting or activity to an already overflowing calendar.

I try to come across as being one of those Moms that has it all together. Well dressed and well-behaved kids, a clean house, finances in order, and a good balance between work, home and LIFE. Sometimes I succeed at this, other times I fall flat on my face. More often than not, falling flat on my face is becoming the norm.

You may see me public with my kids in tow, and think I am this well-dressed put-together mom who can handle anything. You may read my blog posts and think I have it all, and everything I touch turns to gold (actually, I’m laughing as I write that.)

What you don’t see is that I am probably daydreaming– thinking the only thing I really want to do is go home, put on my sweats and watch TV while eating a bag of BBQ potato chips.

You don’t know that I feel nervous when meeting new people, and am terrified of starting a conversation with someone I don’t know.

You don’t see that I am a homebody, and would be perfectly content staying home every night and every weekend.

You don’t see me cringe at myself in the mirror every morning, because I am unhappy with my appearance.

You don’t see me panic every time my kids ask me “What’s for dinner?” because most of the time, I JUST DON’T KNOW.

I worry all the time of what people think of me, and how I appear to others.

I worry that people don’t like me.

I worry about the future.

I worry about how I will keep up with such a hectic pace in my life for much longer.

I don’t want to be this type of mom. I wanna be THAT mom, the moms I read about in my blog reader. Those moms that make me want to be better. Those moms that inspire me, make me laugh and make me admire them.

Why is MOM the bad guy?

Why is MOM the one taking things away? Why can’t it be DAD?

Not sure I really wanted to know the answers to all of these…

Today I am interviewing none other than the lovely Courtney,my 9-year old spitfire. Here’s her answers to some questions about little old me.

What is something Mom always says to you? “I love you!”

What makes mom happy? “sleep and relax, I don’t know!”

What makes mom sad? “when me and my sister fight.”

How does mom make you laugh? “By making funny jokes”

What was your mom like as a child? “A good kid, I don’t know!”

How old is your mom? “36″

How tall is your mom? “5’5″”

What is her favorite thing to do? “Read books”

What does your mom do when you’re not around? “Read, take care of the dogs and sleep.”

If your mom is on TV for something, what will it be for? “Singing on American Idol”

What is your mom really good at? “Um talking and singing.”

What is your mom not very good at? “Dancing.”

What is your mom’s favorite food? “uh-oh. Why are you writing ‘uh-oh’? oh shoot. um, i don’t know, uh, SALAD?”

What makes you proud of your mom? “her singing?”

If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? “Scooby Doo”

What do you and your mom do together? “Shop!”

How are you and your mom the same? “We have the same nose.”

How are you and your mom different? “Our hair color.”

How do you know your mom loves you? “You say ‘I love you’ and we snuggle together.”

Where is your mom’s favorite place to go? “MALL.”

What does your mom do for a job? “Work on the computer.”

..and her army of skanks

Remember the Regina George at my daughter’s school I was telling you about?  The girl that insists on making my daughter’s life a living hell?

It’s still going on, and it is getting harder and harder to try tell my daughter to “just let it go” insisting it “will all blow over.”

Bottom line, it’s not blowing over.   The die has been cast.   The first girl of the divided group has had a birthday party, and the list of invitees did not include many of the girls, including my daughter.   She was upset about it, but not as much as I thought she would.  Apparently, my discussions about “knowing who your real friends are” and “being your own person” has caused her to realize that she has good friends, and they treat her well.

Most of all, she has learned that this is probably the best thing to ever happen to her.  When this is all happened, and she lost five of her friends, she realized that it opened her eyes to how other girls at school were viewing all of this.   Since this happened, my daughter and her small group of friends (the ones that also been banished from the Regina George clique) have made new friends.  Girls from their grade that had always been intimidated by the ‘mean girls’ have decided that my daughter and her friends are actually pretty darn nice.   Her group of friends, which used to total twelve, was split into 5 (mean girls) and 7 others.   Now those 7 others (my daughter included) has managed to turn their group of friends into something completely different.  They include everyone.  There’s no group, theres no boundaries.   They are friends with every single person that comes their way.

While this is still all blowing over, I don’t see that things will ever go back to the way they once were.  There’s still the snarky comments, the anonymous calls and text messages, the separate lunch tables.   But the light has been shone on this group of girls, and the dust is settling. 

It’s turning into the best thing that ever could have happened.

I remember back when she was a baby, and then a toddler.  When there were bad moments, pottytraining, puking, poopy diapers,  I would sit there and wish she was older.   I would imagine what she would be like as a teenager, and couldn’t wait for her to grow up.

Now I realize that mothering a teenager just brings on a whole new level of tolerance for shit.

Get Me Off of This Thing

I am a glutton for punishment.

As if my busy schedule wasn’t enough to send me to an early grave, apparently I thought needed to add more to the calendar.

I got a phone call from Courtney’s soccer coach yesterady, and in a moment of guilt and weakness I must have volunteered to be the team mother on the registration form. So guess who gets to call all the parents to let them know about practices and coordinate the treat schedule?

Yeah, that would be me.

The other day I was looking for a particular Pampered Chef item, because I am such a utensil whore collector of fun kitchen gadgets, and I finally found a nice consultant that agreed to send me a catalog and take care of me. She lives close by, and she’s so nice and friendly, and I just HEART HER BUNCHES. So when she proceeded to tell me all about her GREAT! AWESOME! SPECTACULAR! hostess specials going on in September, guess who jumped in and agreed to have a kitchen party next month?

Yeah, that would be me.

At Courtney’s open house last week, the teacher passed out paperwork to all the parents and wanted volunteers for the various things in and out of the classroom. I had told myself that with our busy schedule, I would make sure I said NO to helping with parties and field trips, but would gladly provide any supplies the teachers or the students needed. However, when the form got passed around to ask for volunteers, guess who signed up to do at-home projects, such as cutting, gluing and assembling packets?

Yeah, that would be me.

Seriously, and if I didn’t already have you convinced at what a whack-job I am, do I need to mention who committed the next 12 months to attending one monthly stamping club get-together AND one monthly scrapbooking club?

Yeah, again that would be me.

With all that being said, can you figure out who is going to listen to my constant whining and other childish behavior, because surely I will need a sounding board for all of this?

Yeah, that would be you.

I apologize in advance.

P.S. On a fun note, guess what I am getting? A new one of these:

It’s pink and it fits in my purse and — ooh, shiny! Squee!