The Fine Line Between ‘Enough’ and ‘Too Much’

Some people collect things. I, for example, can never pass up a good book, purse, or pair of shoes. My husband will attest to that. Others collect spoons from various locations around the world, or some people are entranced by the Franklin Mint commercials on TV and continually expand their collection of Elvis plates. My grandmother collects angels, my daughter collects all thing Iowa Hawkeye-related. My husband has a fondness for fishing lures, while my co-worker collects Boyds Bears.

But the Duggar family? You know– Jim Bob and Michelle? They seem to have this thing about collecting CHILDREN. Eighteen of them so far, to be exact. Now today, I find out the nineteenth is on the way. Much to their surprise. Nineteen kids. Two parents. Yikes.

I had my oldest daughter when I was 23 years old. I was single, and I was on the pill. Needless to say, she was a surprise. I consider her to be one of the best things to ever happen to me, but still– not planned. A few years later, I married the man of my dreams, and with him– came his two children. Again, two stepchildren were not what I had planned for myself– but they were a welcomed addition to our family. When my husband and I decided to get married, we began planning a wedding. A few weeks into the planning process, I became pregnant. WHILE ON THE PILL. Another surprise, and another great-best-thing-ever in my life.

This leaves us with four children. Husband had the ol’ “snip-snip” surgery done after our youngest was born in 2000, and we have both been completely content with our decision to not have any more children. We knew this was the right number for us.

BUT… while I know that we will never have another biological child, I can’t say that the idea of adoption hasn’t crossed our mind a few several times over the last few years. But for us, that fine line between “enough” and “too much” is already here. We’ve reached it.

Apparently, the Duggars have drawn a different line. Or actually, they haven’t drawn one at all.

I didn’t know a lot about this family, other than bits and pieces of what I hear on the news. I did find out that they first got married, they used birth control. They played it smart– they knew that could not afford children at the time, and so they planned accordingly. Once they decided they were indeed ready for children, Michelle quit taking the pill, got pregnant and they had their first child. Again, she went back on the pill. Somehow, she got pregnant for the second time, and subsequently suffered a miscarriage. Michelle and Jim Bob determined that God was punishing them for using birth control (because it was their “choice” to not get pregnant) so they prayed about their situation.

“They prayed and asked God to forgive them, and to teach them to love children like He loves children. They asked God to bless them with as many children as He saw fit in His timing.”

Since then, Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar have gone on to have a total of EIGHTEEN CHILDREN, with a nineteenth now on the way. Jim Bob and Michelle decided to not use birth control completely, and rely on God to make the decision as to how many children they will have?

At first glance, I sit and think who would be CRAZY enough to have that many children? How do they afford them? How do they care for them? How do they give each special, individual attention? Physically, how does Michelle’s body tolerate the constant state of pregnancy? How does her vagina not go on strike, or at least call its union to file a grievance about excessive overtime?

I have read several articles and blog posts authored by people with these same opinions and questions, and I just don’t know what the right answer is. Maybe there isn’t one. So, I stop and take all of this in. Who are WE to determine when ‘enough is enough’ for this family? What is the magic number of children to have before you say STOP! NO MORE! Is this really God’s will? I suppose if the Duggar’s believe that to be true, then it is true.

I am completely torn on this issue, though. They claim to have stopped using birth control, relying 100% on GOD to decide how many children they will have. I can *almost* respect their way of thinking on this– but isn’t that like pointing a loaded gun at someones head and saying “When I pull the trigger, God will decide if the bullet hits you or not”? Or like chaining yourself to the train tracks saying “God will decide if a train comes along and hits me”?

Because they are adults doing this, we should let them make their own decisions, right?

What if it was a teenager, having sex with someone she claims to love? What if she decided to not use birth control because she was letting God decide if she would have children? Would the answer to “just let them be” still be correct?

What if it was a single mother?

What if it was a family on welfare?

What if it was your sister, your daughter, your friend?

Where do you stand on this issue? I’d like to know I am not crazy in questioning this family’s beliefs.