FAITH

Over this past week, I have been rearranging two rooms in my house, switching a spare bedroom with my basement office. While moving things, I had the opportunity to go through some old books and also notice how many Bibles we have in our home. While dusting off my rarely-used Bible, a piece of paper fell out. It was a page of sermon notes I took at church almost 3 years ago. Surprisingly, it was still in my Bible, even though I had been to church several times since then, and had gone through dozens of sermon notes since then also. So how did this one piece of paper manage to stick around for so long?

The sermon that day was about FAITH, and I can almost remember it exactly.

FAITH is knowing God is who He says He is.I don’t have to see God or have tangible proof that he exists. FAITH is knowing or believing he exists without questioning.

God doesn’t use MAPQUEST. Sometimes he gives directions one step at a time.If you go to Mapquest you can type in an address anywhere in the U.S., and it will give you a map and step-by-step directions on how to get there… every turn, how many miles, and even how long it will take to get there.

God doesn’t work that way. Sometimes he will give you one direction, testing you to see if you will do it, but FAITH is knowing He will keep giving you directions to get to where you should be going. I can think of so many instances in my life where this has been proven true. We have taken a leap of faith on many occasions, and do what we believe God wants us to do, and then we stand there thinking “What next? We did the right thing, and now what’s going to happen?” Faith is knowing there will be more direction to come, and faith is being patient enough to wait for that next direction.

FAITH knows the facts, but believes anyway.Your job sucks, your marriage is in turmoil, your kids are having problems. Those are examples of FACTS. But, FAITH knows the facts about your problems, and still believes anyways. I can have some pretty crappy stuff happening in my life, but I can also decide to have FAITH that things will get better, without having anything to base that faith on.

God TESTS us to bring out the BEST in us. Satan TEMPTS us to bring out the WORST in us. Satan does nothing but tempt us. God tests us by telling us to do things as He wills, yet Satan is the one that TEMPTS us to ignore it.

End of sermon for today. Just some things for y’all to think about.

So This Blonde Walks into a Church…

…wait, you’ve heard this before?

If you are just cruising the internet, and stumbled upon this blog, you won’t already know what I am about to tell you.

If you have read this blog for the last month or so it’s been in existence, or if you had the opportunity to be one of the mighty few who read my previous blog, you might know what I am about to tell you.

If you happen to be related to me, or let’s just say uh — MARRIED to me– you will definitely know what I am about to tell you.

Here goes.

I’m high-maintenance. *Hi honey! You still love me, right?*

Yes, I know it’s hard to believe. I want what I want, when I want it. I don’t like to wait for things. I don’t like to settle for less than what I want. My husband will attest to the fact that I am never content with what I have– I am always ready to upgrade to something better.

I get new car fever when anyone I know gets a new car. However, when I get a new car, it’s usually not long before I get bored with it and begin thinking about what car I will get next.

We moved into a new house ONE YEAR AGO and I am already wishing we would have bought a different one.

I wanted to learn to knit a few years ago. I went out and bought the needles, the yarn, the instruction bookets. Never knitted a darn thing.

I have started up and quit three home businesses in my lifetime, simply because I am too high-maintenance. When the going gets tough, and I am inconvenienced, the task no longer seems fun to me.

A few weeks ago, I was offered an incredible job. At a company I had been stalking applying at for over a year. I accepted the job, and over that next week, I was contacted six — SIX– times by other companies for interviews. I actually felt like kicking myself for wondering if the grass would be even greener somewhere else.

I am never satisfied!

So, the title of the post… let’s go back to that.

Four years ago, this blonde walks into a church. With two young children in tow.

She fell in love with said church.

She became involved in everything from being a preschool teacher to being on the worship team to being in just about darn activity available.

And two years later, she became bored. Bored with the Pastor, bored with the church, bored with the whole. darn. thing. The novelty wore off, and this blonde decided that putting forth energy to drive to this church wasn’t worth her time anymore. Suddenly other activities began popping up which conflicted with her church activities, and this blonde made the decision to tell her family they were too busy for church. Or maybe they just needed to find a new one, a closer one, a more convenient one, the high-maintenance in her rearing it’s ugly head.

For the last two years, this blonde has not been going to church. She has felt the pull from somewhere or *something*, but she hasn’t made that move yet. There have been signs– some obvious, some not.

I’m going back this Sunday. To a new church. We haven’t even decided on one yet, but I’ve proclaimed to the family we’re going.

But I am worried my same old attitude will rear its ugly head. I am worried I will like it, then start to love it, start to get too involved, and then start to get bored with it. As ALWAYS.

How do I prevent this from happening?

Change is in the Air

Last week, my 13-year old daughter went to a Christian camp with 8 of her best friends. Most of them had been going since they were very young, but this was Caitlyn’s first year.

When I filled out the registration forms for camp, it asked which church we attended. I was embarrassed and ashamed as I filled in the blank with the word “NONE.” That word seemed so dark, so cold, so meaningless.

I sat there and wondered what people would think when they saw that form, and I wondered how many other parents filled out the form with a feeling of guilt that their kids were closer to God than they were. I have always thought our lives were just fine without going to church anymore, because after all– nothing bad has been happening to us– what do we need church for? While we always enjoyed going to church, it became a chore every week as we tired of the Pastor (who has since left). We also moved farther away, making it more difficult to get to Sunday service each week.

The days while she was at camp last week were followed by random comments by the rest of us in the house:

“We really should find a church to go to again.”

“Someday we need to start going back to church.”

But we all knew it was just small talk. We had been away from church for a good two years, and other things occupied our time on the weekends. Church was not a priority to us.

When my daughter came back from camp last Friday, I could tell right away something had changed in her. She had stirred up something deep within herself, and I knew right then– at that very moment– our family was going to have to follow her direction. Her Facebook status went from random blurbs about what she was doing every day to this:

“feels way different now that I am back from camp. It all seems different, everyone….its amazing! God really got to me this past week, and now i have changed to make everyones lives better!”

After reading that and thinking about it these last few days, this whole church thing has really been weighing heavy on my heart. I know we need to find a church, one that is much closer than our old church. While we loved that church, it was too far of a drive, and we couldn’t commit to participating in all of the activities that we needed to be in to get the full experience.

In addition to her Facebook status changing, I noticed her switching the radio station in the car to 107.1 instead of 107.5. She has traded the Top 40 music for the Christian station. When we had a couple hours to kill Sunday afternoon while my youngest was at a birthday party, she asked to go to the Christian bookstore instead of the mall. I noticed her sitting on the couch in the living room reading the Bible later that day, and making notes in the margins next to passages she really liked.

This morning when I got to work, I turned on the radio. While it is normally tuned in to FM 92.5 (country station), I noticed a funny thing. Today, when all of this church business has been on my mind, the radio is on a different station. Whether I bumped it yesterday when I shut it off, or if the cleaning lady bumped it, who knows? I know that the old radio has been here for years, and it has such poor reception that very few stations come in static-free.

But this morning, a Christian radio station (K-LOVE 90.5) comes in LOUD and CLEAR.

Things are changing, and it took the teenager of the house to lead the way.

Oh Jesus we worship You… right after I take this call!

*I’m still on VACATION! This post reprinted from 3/5/07.*

There are just some places that cell phones should not be allowed. Check the darn things at the door. What did people do before cell phones anyways? We just didn’t take calls!

Now the entire population of America can be reached at least a half dozen different ways, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Hell, my husband gets more calls on his cell phone than he does on our home phone! People don’t even bother trying the home phone first– they just dial his cell!

This brings me to my latest gripe. There’s this family in church. They are constantly “in need” of something. They have a truckload of kids, and seem to have no intentions of quitting the bunny-humping that’s obviously going on– they just keep popping out more kids. They are on welfare because of course the 30-something husband is disabled and can’t work. They get food stamps, childcare assistance (even though the dad stays home!), SSI disability, WIC checks… you name it, they have it. They look for anything and everything they can possibly get, as long as its FREE.
The wife is constantly putting their needs upon the congregation of the church– they were in danger of having their house foreclosed upon, and needed to come up with like $1500 before a certain date. People from the church helped them out. Their freakshow teenage daughter blew their furnace up because apparently she’s got “mental issues”, and the church again helped them out in getting it fixed. This is just a couple of the MANY things these people have asked for in the two years we have known them. The funny thing is, judging from how bad their baby smells of smoke when they drop him off at the nursery, they do seem to always seem to have enough money for cigarettes.

It’s really getting out of hand, and I have a hard time keeping an open mind and a generous heart. Especially after yesterday. They stroll into church, smelling like smoke as usual, drop their kids off in the nursery, and go sit in their usual spot. As I’m up on stage singing, feeling all holy and stuff, I look down at this family. And I notice the husband is wearing one of those bluetooth earpieces.

Yes, a wireless phone earpiece. Not only that, but the character actually had 3 phone calls during church yesterday. How do I know he was answering calls?

I guess you have to understand that the church we go to is Pentecostal… meaning many of the people are of the “hand-raising to God” type of worship. So I see him hands raised in the air, singing along, and all of a sudden he sits down, holds his hand to his ear, and you can see his lips moving. I can only assume he’s either on a call wondering when his food stamps are coming, or he’s carrying on a personal conversation with the big G-O-D Himself.

Now someone help me out here, because I have several questions popping into my head right now:

• How in the hell do they justify buying something like this, yet expect handouts from the church to pay their MORTGAGE?
• What size of balls does it take to carry on not one, but three phone conversations during church?
• Does he realize what an asswipe he looks like trotting around with this thing in his ear?
• Since when does “Buy Bluetooth earpiece” take priority over “Replace missing front tooth”?
• Since when does “Buy wireless earpiece” take priority over “buy some much-needed birth control”?
• What makes him so important that he needs to have a phone on him during church, especially one attached to his ear at all times? He’s obviously not tying up some big real estate deal. Not in cahoots to take over some large corporation, and I certainly don’t see him negotiating the acquisition of any major company’s stock, so what gives?

I can honestly say I am more than willing to help people out at church. We have donated money, items, and time for many causes at the church, and have been more than happy to do so. So why does this particular family irritate me so much? Because they are an example of working the system, and they basically feel they DESERVE it– it is EXPECTED, and whatever this world has done to screw them over (in their opinion), they feel like they deserve everything given to them. There is never a “thank you” from them, they just wait until the next time they need something. Sometimes I get the impression that is the only reason they come to church.

By the way, this is also the same family that upon us giving them a NEW winter coat for their daughter (yes, the one with “mental issues” she didn’t ever say THANK YOU, she merely commented that she wasn’t sure her daughter would like the color of coat we bought! Holy hell!

Am I crazy or what? Should I feel more giving towards these people? Be more tolerant of them?

P.S. Apparently, my spellchecker does not care for the word ‘asswipe‘.

Now THIS is GOOD

* I’m still on VACATION! This post reprinted from 6/1/07. *

Last Sunday at church, our Pastor was recognizing all of the kids that were graduating from high school, and I realized how fast these kids grow up. We spend all of this time getting them ready for the world, and once they are ready to venture out into that world, we don’t want to let them go. Part of the sermon that our Pastor gave to the graduates was about putting “good” back into your life. Making sure that everything you do, you do because it is GOOD, and hence makes you feel good. It’s not about fame, its not about money, it’s about having the kind of life that makes you look at your life and say “Now THIS is GOOD.”

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My oldest daughter graduates from elementary school today. Where has the time gone?

I remember bawling like a baby on her first day of kindergarten… Oh how tiny she seemed in her pretty new dress, and shiny new backpack on her back. This big grin on her face, showing me and everyone else she was ready to take on the world– or at least the world of her tiny kindergarten classroom. Thankfully, I managed to make it all the way out to the car before opening the floodgates and letting the tears flow. I was so happy for her, yet so sad to see a certain phase in her life–and mine– coming to an end.

So today marks another milestone in this precious little girl’s life. She’s growing up so fast, right before my eyes. As much as I want to rejoice as she becomes this amazing young woman, part of me wants to stop time, and keep her just the way she is. She’s receiving many awards today, and has even been selected to give a speech about her experiences in elementary school. I’m so darn proud of her, I could just bust.

She’s 11, not yet a teenager, and we’re just venturing into the phase of “pre-teen.” She hasn’t gotten the mouthy attitude yet, she hasn’t started to pull away from me yet– choosing her friends over me. I know in my heart that day is coming, but I haven’t wanted to admit it. She still has a heart of gold, and is probably the most compassionate person I know. She has always been one to stick up for a friend in need, and truly is a good person.

She still wants me to tuck her in at night, and she still plants a kiss on my cheek before going to sleep. This wonderful little girl of mine tells me she loves me every day, and still likes to hold my hand when we’re out shopping. I’m sad that this phase will soon be ending as well. Kindergarten seems like such a long time ago, and soon– so will today.

As I sit and think about how sad today will be for me, I also realize that I can watch my beautiful little girl up there, giving her speech, and think to myself: