Missed Opportunities

Let me start off by saying how much we are really enjoying our new church.  The people there are so friendly, and it feels like a great group of people to surround ourselves with every Sunday.

Which is why what happened Sunday morning just makes me want to kick myself.   

One of the goals I have set for myself is to make some friends in the area.    I figured a good way to do that would be through the church, as it is full of families our age.   

The problem is that I am terrible about approaching people.  I just can’t do it.   I I cannot start up a conversation with a complete stranger, and even when it comes time to “walk around and greet your neighbors” in church, I either sit down and fumble through my purse or stand there and wait for people to approach me.

I have the routine down perfectly.  I shake hands with my husband and my kids, and by that time, people sitting near us will put forth the effort to greet me.  No effort on my part, and it allows me to remain a wallflower.

I know I need to change that.

Sunday morning, it was just youngest daughter and myself.   Per her usual routine, she likes to act grownup and sit through church with a cup of coffee.  In her case, I make sure it is more sugar and creamer than actual coffee, but there’s something about that Styrofoam cup and lid that attracts her.

While we waited at the coffee station, there was a woman in front of us in with her daughter, who also seemed to be wanting a cup of coffee.  She turned around and smiled, and we joked for a minute or two about how we both had little girls that seemed to be coffee addicts, and how it must make us look like bad moms.

I went to my seat and sat down, and noticed that the mom glanced over at us a few times.  Still being fairly new to the church myself, I didn’t recognize her as someone we’d seen before, but that didn’t surprise me.

Then I noticed her walking over to where we were sitting.    She smiled and asked how old my daughter was, and we told her she is 9.   Coincidentally, this woman’s daughter is also nine.  I asked her if the daughter went to school here in town, and she said no.  They were from a town about 15 minutes away.   Both girls were 9, both are in 3rd grade, and both seemed to enjoy sitting in church with a cup of coffee.  

She introduced herself, and I introduced myself and my daughter. 

And that was it.

Why didn’t I take that opportunity to keep the conversation going?  Why didn’t I ask her if she was just visiting that morning?   Why didn’t I make more small talk?     We both wore the same coat (of course don’t all moms seem to wear the standard black North Face puffy coat?  Isn’t that a MOM THING?), the same jeans, and we seemed to be about the same age.  Why did I waste that opportunity to make a new friend?  The church had a women’s get-together last night at the local pizza place, and I could have asked if she was going.  

I just wish I could have a do-over and re-do that entire conversation, and I am hoping she is back at church again next Sunday. 

Will it look weird if I am camped out at the coffee station?

the right one was there all along

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned that we tried a new church, but there were still struggles we were facing finding the right church for us.

Over the weekend, I decided to go back and try a church we had already been to over a year ago. It is the same church that my youngest daughter attends for AWANAs and the same church that my oldest daughter goes to youth group at, church camp with, and well– let’s just say everyone in town seems to attend this one particular church.

Like I mentioned before, I have criteria for the perfect church. A checklist, if you will.

1. It needs to be located in our community.

2. It must have good music. We prefer the churches with an actual band that plays upbeat Christian music.

3. We want to walk into the church on any given Sunday and see people we know from our community.

4. The pastor has to have personality, and a good sense of humor.

5. I like being handed a church bulletin chocked full of activities– small groups, bible study, kids functions, women’s luncheons, etc

6. The church has to be big enough that we don’t feel like we are the only ones there, but not too big that we feel lost in the crowd.

7. When I walk into the door of a church for the first time, I want to be greeted with a warm welcome and a handshake.

This church we attended over a year ago had everything we wanted but #4 was questionable. The pastor was very dry, and seemed nervous and my husband and I were both put off by that. When he came to introduce himself to us back then, it seemed like we were the ones that had to carry the conversation along to avoid any long pauses.  AWKWARD!

I decided to give that church another chance, since they had recently moved from the high school auditorium into a brand-spanking-new bulding.  I told the kids we were going to get up Sunday morning and go to church.  No excuses.    We needed to make this “church search” a priority.

And I LOVED IT. We were immediately greeted, and before I could even get my coat hung up, the Pastor (who was once very quiet and shy) came over, introduced himself, shook our hands, and welcomed us. It was a completely different experience for us this time around. My oldest daughter was surrounded by her friends within 30 seconds of walking in the door, and they sat in the front row during the service. We saw the kids’ teachers, coaches, school board members, the superintendent, neighbors, friends– and anything and everything in between.

The music was better, the sermon was better, the people were friendlier. It felt like a place I wanted to go back to.

It felt like home. 

And that makes me so very happy.

Back to That

When we were cleaning out our basement a couple weeks ago, I found several tubs full of things we hadn’t even touched since we moved out of Des Moines. As we went through everything, I filled up a new tub with things that needed to be brough upstairs to our office for me to go through and save or file.

The other day, I decided I’d better get started on cleaning out that tub I hauled all the way upstairs. There were some extra pens, notepads, and a few much more important things. There were two Bibles (one is my husband’s, and one is my old one) and my prayer journals.

The prayer journal I hadn’t written a word in for the last three years.

When we started attending church faithfully (meaning every Sunday no matter what), I got involved in a small group. Each week we would go around the room at the end of our small group time, and discuss any prayer requests we had. Then we would all make an effort to pray for each other throughout the week. Two of the people I became good friends with from that small group were Jeni and Shelby. In this prayer journal, I wrote down prayer requests for both of them, as well as all the other people in my group. Every morning, for several months, I got up an hour early and wrote in this journal. Mark and the kids would still be sleeping, and it would be my quiet time to reflect on everything going on in my life. I would write and write pages full of thought and prayers in this journal.

Sometimes I would write down certain Scriptures our Pastor mentioned in church or a relevant saying from my fortune cookie at dinner one night. I would see billboards and TV commercials, and if they said something that mattered to me, I wrote them down. I wrote down prayers about us trying to get out of debt, I wrote prayers about my husband’s job and my kids staying healthy and strong.

Now I want more than anything to get back to that. I feel like without a church, and without a group of women like the one I had at my old church, I don’t know where to begin. I want to get back to the person I was four years ago when I started this prayer journal. It was the closest I have ever felt to God in my entire life. It sounds weird to say that, but its true. I can read through the pages and pages of that journal, and remember every single thing I was praying for. I can take a red pen and check off all the things that I asked for and prayed for that really did happen. It’s amazing how many prayers of mine were answered.
I can read through the prayer requests of those women in my group (as well as my own) and remember every single conversation we had on those Wednesday nights years ago. My fingers drift over the pages where I wrote about one group member losing her father to cancer, or someone wanting prayers sent up about a doctor’s appointment they were nervous about. I read prayers I wrote for a group member that was having a difficult pregnancy, and some for a friend that was struggling to find a school for her special needs child.

Some of us asked for prayers about finding a new job, or that we would find a way to be less stressed in our lives. All of us issues in our lives that were very heavy on our hearts, but with that small group– the burden would be lifted, if only for a couple hours each week. I looked forward to that Wednesday night small group so much, and even now– almost four years later– I think about the friendships we all shared. The gossip we shared, the laughter and tears we shared.

Now I miss it. And I want to get back to that.

what are those things up in the sky? Oh yeah, pigs are flying…

We did it.

We went to church on Sunday.

I never realized how much work it would be to get a family that has gotten VERY used to sleeping in on Sundays to go to a 9:30am church service.

Apparently, my constant whining complaining coaxing of my husband and children about the importance of finding a church HOME and a church FAMILY before getting knee-deep in our adoption journey worked.

I have this very specific picture of what I want in a church. We have been to several churches in the area over the last couple years, and none of them have been quite what we are looking for.

In my mind, I have this running checklist of what we want or need in a church:

1. It needs to be located in our community.

2. It must have good music. We prefer the churches with an actual band that plays upbeat Christian music.

3. We want to walk into the church on any given Sunday and see people we know from our community.

4. The pastor has to have personality, and a good sense of humor.

5. I like being handed a church bulletin chocked full of activities– small groups, bible study, kids functions, women’s luncheons, etc

6. The church has to be big enough that we don’t feel like we are the only ones there, but not too big that we feel lost in the crowd.

7. When I walk into the door of a church for the first time, I want to be greeted with a warm welcome and a handshake.

I understand that the experience of going to church is not about me. It’s all about God. So while I don’t expect people to jump up and cheer when we walk in the door each week, I want a church that is welcoming. A church that feels like HOME. A church that feels like family.

The church we visited yesterday was probably the closest we have gotten to finding our church home yet. Of the 7 items on the checklist, this church fit all but one of them. And that one that I couldn’t check off the list is still leaving me scratching my head wondering WHY.

The church is located in our community, and actually is in the town my kids go to school at. The music was awesome, the band included an electric guitar and bass, there was a drummer, someone played the keyboard and there were 4 singers. I recognized all of the songs and I knew some of them by heart, so that was a huge plus for me.

We walked into this church and were immediately greeted with a very warm welcome, and several handshakes. One of the church deacons took us on a tour and showed our daughter where the children’s church was. The church has a nursery, a toddler room, a kids church (ages 5-12) and also a Youth hangout for ages 13-18.

We were given a church bulletin listing several activities going on over the next couple weeks, from small groups to women’s get-togethers, and even some things for the kids.

Unfortunately, we picked a day that the lead pastor was gone. Instead we listened to an amazing sermon by the 29-year old youth pastor. Prior to going to this church, I took advantage of downloading this church’s most recent sermons from iTunes onto my iPod, so I was able to get a feel for the lead pastor ahead of time. Awesome sermons, so I am looking forward to trying this church again.

So what was wrong with this church? Maybe I am being too picky, but I have to mention it. I found it odd that in a community of hundreds of school-aged kids, there was not one single child in the church that we knew. Keeping in mind that between my two daughters, they know every single kid in the school district, if not personally then they can recognize a name or a face. I just thought it was strange, as I expected to pick my daughter up after the service and tell me about all the school friends she saw there. But there were NONE.

I have no idea why that strikes me as odd, but it does.

Based on our rule to give every church we attend three consecutive Sundays before we decide which one to attend permanently, we will go back again this weekend. Maybe we caught it on an off day, maybe people were out of town. Maybe people knew the lead pastor was gone, and that affected the attendance. You never can tell, so we’ll see how the next couple weeks go.

We Finally Did It

We did it.

We finally went to church.

I know– pigs are flying somewhere. Hell is freezing over, or it least a cool front moved through there this weekend.

I have had experience with two types of churches in my life — Catholic and Assemblies of God, which in terms of worship, could not be at further ends of the spectrum if they tried. They are so completely polar opposites, and I think it is why we have been so drawn to the Assemblies of God style of service and worship. It is fun, exciting and never the same each week. There is no routine– sometimes the sermon is towards the beginning of service, sometimes not. Service can last 45 minutes or it can last 90 minutes. It just depends on what’s on the agenda for the morning.

In my opinion, Catholic churches are all about tradition, schedule, routine. When you have attended a Catholic church for any length of time, you become so experienced at the routine and order of things, you can follow along with the entire Mass in your sleep. I have not been to a Catholic church in YEARS, but I know I could walk into Mass this weekend and be able to recite every verse and prayer along with everyone else, and know exactly when to sit, stand, or kneel. It seemed too easy to me to lose sight of what is being said, because there is no reason to pay attention.

So, on our search for the perfect church, we do not care what religion the church is affiliated with. We just want to feel like part of a family, find a place that we enjoy going to, and be a part of all the things a church family has to offer. With that being said, the churches we have checked out so far have been similar to our previous church. Energizing music, casual dress, with fun & inspiring sermons from a pastor full of personality.

While we had planned on finding a church to try out this past Sunday, some friends of ours jumped the gun and asked us to go to their church Saturday evening instead. I will admit I was a little leary about it, because it is a Lutheran church. To me, Lutheran churches are the closest you get to a Catholic church without actually having a priest. I expected the same routine, tradition and boredom I had grown up with in the Catholic church.

I was wrong.

There was a band, people! There were electric guitars and a band, and singers. And it wasn’t boring solemn hymns either. It was actually songs I knew from the radio! They even sang one of my favorite songs “If We Are the Body” by Casting Crowns:

We saw people we knew there, and I was surprised at how welcoming everyone was. The Pastor was dressed casually in a short-sleeved shirt and khakis, and while not extremely exciting, it certainly wasn’t boring either.

I am sure we will still keeping exploring other churches in the area, but for now, at least we made the effort to get started.

…while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. (1 Corinthians 12:24-27)