Well, even though I said I had changed my mind, I went ahead and signed up for Weight Watchers today. I thought about it a few times this morning and almost backed out of it, because I didn’t want to miss out on lunch with co-workers.

I drove over to the nearest Weight Watchers location, which is in Urbandale, a little less than 4 miles from my office.

I DID IT.

I signed up.

I resisted the urge to buy a bunch of stuff, and only paid for my monthly registration fee and the starter kit. I spent $77.90 ($42.95 for the monthly pass and $34.95 for the starter kit), which wasn’t bad. I didn’t blow money on the snacks and goodies like I have in the past, I didn’t buy a scale or any other fancy stuff they have there.

Then it came time to step on the scale. I was wearing fairly light clothing today– a skirt, tights, long-sleeve knit top and very lightweight sweater over it. I took off my shoes and stepped on.

I saw my weight pop up on the scale and almost cried. I could just kick myself because every time I start Weight Watchers, my starting weight is higher than the time before.

Ugh.

So I’m starting at a weight so high that I can’t even write it here, and it almost makes me sick because I think I now weigh more than my husband. I talked to my mom today and told her I had joined again (she and my sister both joined a few weeks ago), and when I mentioned how much weight I have gained, I started to cry.

Obviously, people that know me can tell I have gained weight over the years. It’s not hard to see. But to put a number on it and let someone know just how much I weigh, and how much I have gained… well, it’s embarrassing. I’m ashamed and it makes me sick to think of what I have done to my body over the years.

Now it’s time to start writing everything down. I have succeeded at this before just by being disciplined enough to writer everything down. I’m taking this journey one week at a time, and not a day more. This first week my only goal is to track my food. I’m not going to worry about exercise right now, because that will come later. For now, it’s all about changing my eating habits and tracking them.

Before I went and signed up this morning, I drank a bottle of A&W root beer. It wasn’t even diet root beer, just a big fat 20-ounce bottle of root beer. It sounded so good, and the vending machine is only 20 feet from my desk at work. So I drank it.  I thought I’d better drink it while I had the chance, because I knew once I was doing WW, I wasn’t drinking it anymore.

A couple hours later, I’m sitting back at my desk at work writing down in my new food journal everything I’ve eaten so far. And I’ll be damned if that bottle of root beer was worth freaking SEVEN POINTS. I looked up the Points value on some of the other things I have eaten the last few days, and it’s sickening.

That Otis Spunkmeyer chocolate muffin I always eat for breakfast? FIVE POINTS.

The Chinese food I ate for dinner a couple nights ago? EIGHTEEN POINTS.

Yeah, EIGHTEEN.

It just goes to show that all of the stuff I’ve been eating have been so bad for my body. And I just keep eating and eating, thinking that eventually I will get around to changing things.

I have to start now.

So, update on my New Years Resolutions:

1. Join Weight Watchers – Long term goal is to lose 50 pounds. Short term goal is to lose 20 pounds before July 1st. JOINED 1/18/12

2. Read 52 books – I feel since I managed to do it in 2011, I can do it again in 2012. A book a week isn’t too shabby, either. Current progress as of 1/18/12 is FOUR BOOKS. Woot!

3. Find a church we like and start going again. Still have to figure out if we want a large church, small church, what denomination we prefer… DONE! As of 1/18/12, we’ve gone two weeks in a row and LOVE our new church!

4. Start budgeting again via the Dave Ramsey plan. We really only do it halfway right now, which I guess means we really don’t do it all…   This is a work in progress.   We’re trying to get back to it, but we just haven’t fully committed yet.

Make resolutions, that is.

To give you a reminder, here are the resolutions I made for myself for 2012:

See that one at the top? About joining Weight Watchers?

Yeah, I’ve already scrapped that idea.

You see, I had originally planned on going to Weight Watchers with two of my co-workers. So I would not only have the accountablility to my leader and weekly meetings, I would also be accountable to my co-workers (because we’d be going together).

I am so sure I will fizzle out and fail that I have decided not to even spend the money. My usual M.O. for trying these types of things is this: Go to first meeting and spend tons of $$$$$$ buying every book and gadget I can, thinking they will help me succeed. Then, I stick to the plan faithfully for about 3 weeks, maybe 4. Finally, I start falling off the plan, until about 8 weeks, when I cancel my membership and don’t go to any more meetings.

Why spend the money when I know exactly what will happen?

So, my new plan is this: I will start with baby steps. Making better choices — healthier choices– regarding what food I put into my body.

It won’t happen fast, but it’s baby steps.