Oh, how many times these words have been uttered from my lips the last few days. Our foster kids left yesterday afternoon, and while our house is peacefully quiet again, I am still ready and waiting for the next phone call.
What I have learned in the last 3 weeks:
1. GOD HAS A PLAN. I am not sure what it is yet, but I do know that He was using these last three weeks as a way of preparing us for what’s to come. He has helped strengthen our marriage, bond more as a family, and know exactly what we are capable of. God knows right this very minute which child is meant to be ours, and I have complete faith that it will happen at the perfect time.
2. EVERY SINGLE CHILD, whether they are with you for a day, a week, a month, or a year– will find a place in youtr heart. We are blessed to have known these children, even if only for a short time. I am anxious to see where they end up in life, and I am excited to get updates on how they are doing.
3. While money is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, the government does certainly take their sweet time processing ANY kind of paperwork. This includes clothing reimbursements and monthly foster care payments. As of today, we have received nothing.
4. When you have to give notice that foster kids need to be removed from your home, expect the guilt trip to be laid on pretty thick by all involved. This includes the birth parents, caseworkers, visitation supervisor, and counselors.
5. Ask a lot of questions. And when you have asked every question you can think of, ask a few more.
6. An abusive parent is not an evil person. (Believe me, I had a hard time typing that statement.) They are people with no coping skills. They are parents that do not know the appropriate way to discipline their kids, and are resorting to using violence as a way to get rid of their stress and anger. They are not able to process that stress and anger any other way, and they snap. Sadly, they are passing this method down to their children as a learned behavior on how to cope with difficult situations.
7. Parenting foster children is NOTHING like parenting your own children. I thought since I am the mother of two and stepmother of two, I could handle anything. These last three weeks helped me realize just how wrong I was.
8. Write everything down. I started a notebook for these first two kids in our home, and wrote EVERYTHING down. The behaviors, stories they would tell us about their family life, issues at school. I wrote down every single name and phone number of people involved in any way, shapr or form to this placement. Once the placement ended, I gave copies to the caseworker and kept the originals for myself. Record-keeping is very important.
9. Patience. I didn’t think I had any, but I do. While we were taking our classes and especially once we were officially licensed, I hated the waiting and wondering when a phone call would come. Now that we have our first placement under our belts, I am content with waiting for the right one that will come someday. I know that jumping on those first calls are not always the best choice.
Whew!
