Raising Teenagers

Supermom

November 3, 2011

Don’t we all want to be *that* mom? That “Supermom” that can do it all? Keeps a clean house, gets her kids to school and every activity, clean and impeccably dressed–and ON TIME– always? That mom that cooks a homemade meal every night and has a sparkling clean kitchen sink, and still makes time to read her Bible in the morning, write in her journal in the evening and even squeeze in a morning 5k run with her friends? That mom that can handle a career and a family and still whip up a mean pot roast?

That mom who never has to frantically throw clutter into a closet when the doorbell rings for fear of a visitor seeing how she “really” lives? That mom whose home could pass the white glove test at any random time? That mom fortunate enough to have given birth to wonderful perfect children who have never done anything wrong, get straight A’s in school, are perfect at everything, have straight teeth, are future homecoming queens/Harvard graduates/nuclear physicists/whatevers, and could never take a bad picture to save their life?

That mom whose hair is always perfect thanks to a $50 salon product, makeup flawless, clothes with nary a wrinkle and always stylish?

Newsflash: Those Supermoms don’t really exist.

I’ve tried over the years to be that kind of mom. I’ve tried to be even a tiny bit *close* to that kind of mom. I’ve written before that I’m far from being this type of Mom. My house is very rarely in a state of being ready for visitors to stop in unannounced.

Actually, I will just go out on a limb and say my house is NEVER like that. If someone rang my doorbell right this second, and stopped over unannounced, I would literally have a heart attack on the spot.

Someone might take a look at my life and think I am managing it all– a job, a family, a marriage, and a home. I am woman, hear me roar!

In reality, I am just keeping my head above water each and every day. You won’t see an immaculate house when you come over. There is usually a laundry basket of clothes sitting on my family room couch that may or may not need to be folded. I tend to always have at least a few loads of laundry always taunting me from the laundry room. My bed never gets made except {maybe} on the weekends.

And someone PLEASE tell me I’m not the only Mom out there who has had to perform the “sniff test” on an article of clothing to check to see if it’s clean. And even if its not, it might get worn anyways.

I’m just sayin’.

When we ever get around to grocery shopping, we purge our kitchen pantry and refrigerator of lots of expired food. We simply aren’t home enough to eat what we buy.

I don’t carry around a bottle of hand sanitizer and I don’t make my kids wash their hands all the time. I have never remembered to get my kids (or myself) a flu shot. EVER. I often get several reminders in the mail about scheduling them for a bi-annual dentist appointment before I get around to actually DOING IT.

My kids’ sports uniforms get washed the night before a game, because I usually forget about them until the kids start hunting them down. My house would never ever ever ever pass a white glove test, and you could probably buy yourself a McDonalds Value Meal {or two} with the change you’d find under my couch cushions. Heck, you just might FIND a McDonald’s Value Meal under my couch cushions. You just never know. You’d at least probably find a french fry or ~~two~~ three. It might come with a side of dog hair, but still — protein!! Woot!!

And my kids? Yes I write about how fantastic they are, and what great friends they are, what good choices they make… and yes, they do get straight A’s–usually. But I don’t tell you about the arguments we have, the drama that raising girls causes in our house. I don’t write about the yelling or the fighting or the bickering about who lets the dogs out more than the other, or who’s turn it is to unload the dishwasher, or who did what to who…

I don’t dare mention what it’s like when there is more than one menstruating female in the house (oh yes, husband. I WENT THERE.) I don’t mention that I can get all Mama Bear crazy up in this HIZZAY, just because sometimes– it’s all overwhelming. Really, we’re just real life here, people. We’re not perfect. We’re NORMAL. Or God help me, I certainly hope this is normal.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I may not be perfect, and I’m done trying to be. I’m raising my kids and managing my family as best as I can. Someone asked me yesterday “Are you sure you’re ready to add another child to your family? That’s going to make you guys really busy!”

And my answer is YES. One hundred and ten percent, YES.

You want to know why? Because despite the messy house, despite the fact that I am way overscheduled, I know my kids will will grow up with some hilarious stories to tell their own kids someday. My kids will remember that their mom may not have made a home-cooked meal every single night, but she sure never missed a soccer game or a music program. They will remember that laundry wasn’t exactly my favorite chore to do, but NEVER did a single day go by that they didn’t hear the words “I Love you.”

Now that’s what I call being a Supermom.

Filed Under: Around The House, Family Matters, Girls Will Be Girls, Raising Teenagers

Get Real

September 28, 2011

Source: MTV.com

For the last year and a half, I have become addicted to the MTV television show “Teen Mom.” I started watching it in part because of Catelynn and Tyler, a young 18-year old couple that got pregnant when Catelynn was 16. At first, I thought maybe MTV was doing a good thing showing the struggles teen mothers go through trying to raise a child, go to school, work, and just live life. Then I noticed the lifestyle they were living, the cars they drove, the cosmetic surgeries, the nail salons, the cell phones… and I just can’t believe this is the message we are sending to today’s youth.

Just what kind of “real life” are these teen moms living?

Source: MTV.com

There’s Farrah, the former high school cheerleader from Council Bluffs, Iowa, that got pregnant with her on-agaon, off-again boyfriend Derek. Farrah gave birth to baby Sophia, and Derek was killed in a car accident. Over the course of this show’s season, Farrah lives in a house she rents from her parents. She has had breast enhancement surgery, she has gotten invisible braces on her teeth, and she is contemplating moving to Florida. She gets her face done at a pricey salon, and is able to afford all the luxuries a teenage girl could. When you add in the fact that she HAS NO JOB, what part of her story sounds REAL to you?

Source: US Magazine

Next up is Amber, and her boyfriend Gary. Amber and Gary are the parents to two-year old Leah, and currently live apart from each other. Again, neither of them HAS A JOB, yet they can each afford to live in sizeable homes. Amber has time and money to get her nails done on a regular basis, her eyebrows are professionally done, and she also gets her hair done at a pricey salon. Amber was arrested several months ago, and currently has Child Protective Services breathing down her neck because of some abuse that was captured on camera towards her boyfriend Gary. Basically, she tried to beat the hell out of him. She has some serious anger management issues, and I cannot for the life of me determine WHY she is still on the show. She still loves Gary, yet has dated two different guys in the season-and-a-half I’ve been watching. Real life? Not so much.

Source: MTV.com

Oh Miss Maci… one of the teen moms I kinda LIKED at the beginning. Maci and her ex-boyfriend Ryan have 2-year old Bentley. They share custody, and Maci is a part-time struggling college student. If you only see that part of their lives, they seem like typical teenage parents. Then you see that Ryan lives with his very rich parents and doesn’t have a job. You see Maci living in a $1,000/month townhouse– completely furnished– and living with her new boyfriend, Kyle. Maci drives a fairly new Dodge Charger, and they seem to be dealing with the financial aspect of parenting just fine. Like Farrah, Maci has also had a boob job, hair extensions, and gets her nails done on a regular basis. Did I mention that neither Kyle nor Maci have jobs?

Source: MTV.com

So that leaves Catelyyn. Pregnant at 16, Catelynn and her boyfriend Tyler decide the best choice for them was adoption. They gave up their beautiful daughter Carly to a wonderful couple. They have an open adoption, but still struggle with the grief over their decision– knowing its the right thing for them and their child, but still grieving over the loss of Carly. They are probably the couple I can relate to the most, not just because of the adoption– but just because they are MAKING GOOD CHOICES.

Both Catelynn and Tyler were determined to finish high school, and they both have part-time jobs. They live in a very modest mobile home and drive an older vehicle. They live within their means, and dealing with the struggles of being a part of a very dysfunctional family. Catelynn’s mom, April, is married to Tyler’s dad, Butch (who seems unable to keep himself out of jail and off of drugs) and there is just craziness at all times. Through it all, they stick together, are supportive of each other, and that makes me just want to cheer them on. And also give them each a great big hug.

What really bothers me the most? The fact that these young women are the role models we are presenting to society. The nice cars, the cell phones, the salon visits, cosmetic surgery and more. We give young people the impression that even if they get pregnant as a teenager, HEY-ITS NO BIG DEAL– you can still have it all (with no job needed!)!!! I realize these young kids get paid for being on the show, but this warped perception of REAL LIFE is the opposite of what we should be teaching our kids.

Someone needs to make a documentary of what it’s REALLY like as a teenaged mother. Let’s show the struggles to get the bills paid, and how exhaustive it is to come home from work and still have a stack of homework to do. Let’s burn THAT image into our kids’ brains. Not a half-hour dedicated to an overdone 19-year old at a consultation for breast implants.

Because of MTV’s popularity with a certain generation, they have the opportunity to make a HUGE impact on teenagers’ way of thinking. They can show what it’s really like. They can show that kids have choices, good and bad. They need to show consequences, they need to teach work ethic. It’s an opportunity for the network to give themselves a positive image for those of us that grew up watching their music videos 24-hours a day… and are now raising the kids that “Teen Mom” is targeting.

Get REAL, MTV.

Filed Under: On My Soapbox, Raising Teenagers, TV Rocks

Would You Want To Know?

September 15, 2011

David Jones/PA Wire

When my kids were babies, I would sit and dream of how things would be when they were teenagers. I was going to be such a cool mom, and I just knew that my kids would want to come talk to me about anything and everything. I’d be full of advice for my girls, and be able to carry their respect in my back pocket– because they would trust me.

So my oldest will be turning 16 next month, and most of my dream has come true. She does come talk to me about almost everything, asking for advice and sometimes just venting when something is upsetting her.

The problem with having these types of conversations with your child? You start to learn way more than you ever wanted to know about their friends, classmates, and their families.

A few days ago, my daughter texted me from school to tell me that three of her friends had spent the previous Saturday night getting drunk in one of their basements. The girls’ parents were out for the evening, so the three girls (one just turned 16 a week or so ago, and the other two are BARELY 15) decided to get a bottle from the parent’s liquor cabinet and pretty much split it three ways.

My first thought was that the girls were probably just making up this story to sound “cool.” Then the stories started pouring in about the girls discussing their “wild night” at school. The cell phone pictures started appearing at school, and then the kicker– a boy from school said he got a phone call from these girls in a drunken stupor and he was asked to come over because one of the girls wanted sex from him.

Seriously, these kinds of things literally MAKE. ME. ILL. I knew this stuff went on in high school, but knowing it was these three girls? That hits a little too close to home. We are friends with two of the girls’ families (one being the owners of the house where all of this took place), and this is really bothering me to no end.

This situation begs the question — Would YOU want to know if your kids was involved in something like this? Would you want another parent basically tattling on your kid?

Part of me doesn’t want to get involved– because maybe it’s none of my business, or maybe it will turn out to not be true. Or maybe a big part of it is that I don’t want my daughter labeled as a “narc” or a “tattletale.” I don’t want her to suffer the backlash from these girls getting caught. And maybe– I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship with these families– because I will be known as the “neighborhood watchdog” from now on.

Help…I am SO not ready for these types of things!

Filed Under: Raising Teenagers

I’m all about pimpin’ out my kid. Oh wait, that doesn’t sound good…

September 1, 2011

We’re beginning a new phase in our lives around here. It’s called “having high schoolers that are getting ready for college.” My oldest daughter started her sophomore year of high school a couple weeks ago, and we’ve been told that IT’S TIME.

Time to start marketing my student-athlete to college coaches.

Apparently, those ideas that we all have as parents of our kid being approached by a college coach and handed a full-ride scholarship are not even one tiny bit true. (Well maybe a tiny bit, because a very small teeny tiny number of kids actually get those). That stuff just doesn’t really happen anymore. Nowadays, in order to get noticed — you don’t have to be the best player on your team, or the toughest or the strongest. You just have to put yourself out there. You have to have passion and a love for the sport. Oh yeah, and then you can’t forget about keeping up your grades. This isn’t football, people. They don’t recruit just anyone for girls’ sports. You have to have the grades to back it up.

Commence pimpin’ out my kid, phase 1.

She tried out for a showcase softball team, and made it. For those of you that are fortunate enough to not have your entire life consumed by kids’ sports, a “showcase” team’s sole purpose is to play in showcase tournaments, which are designed to “showcase” (duh!) each player to college recruiters. Each girl will play in several different positions per game, and there is no scoreboard. Each game is 90 minutes, and when time is up, the game stops. Period. It is done so that coaches can see girls in game situations, and also be able to watch several girls at one time.

So this fall, we travel. Travel to a different surrounding state each weekend in the hopes of someone liking what they see.

This has become a learning experience for my husband and I. Who knew that there were so many rules and regulations to recruiting? Rules like how many phone calls per week my kid can receive from a coach. Or the fact that a coach cannot approach my child until July 1st before her junior year.

And did you know that there are different rules for different schools? It seriously makes my head spin. “Division I” and “Division II” schools have different regulations than a “Division III” school. Some offer scholarships, and some offer very attractive financial aid packages. We can contact a coach, but they can’t call us back. We can approach them on the college campus and speak with them, but they can’t talk to us if they visit our high school and come watch a game. College coaches can contact the high school coach and say “We’d like to have so-and-so athlete get in touch with us” but they can’t speak to the athlete or her parents.

I’m already getting a headache from all of this.

It’s almost like getting your favorite-awesome-can’t-live-without-it toy for Christmas, and then discovering that it comes with a set of instructions that are 850 pages long. And written in CHINESE.

So we learn as we go, hoping that all of this research and planning works out in our favor.

Commence pimpin’ out my kid Phase 2.

We sat down and discussed what type of schools she wanted to go to, and we researched the softball program at each of them. She knows that she wants to stay in Iowa for school (thank you, cheap Jesus for making her pick a school with RESIDENT tuition rates!), so she narrowed her first round of schools down to eight. We researched and studied and found the right way to make contact with a coach. My daughter sent out eight emails to college coaches around the state, and included her athletic AND academic statistics (because again, a school cares about your GPA just as much as your batting average).

Within 48 hours she had receieved replies from four of them. Four schools that she likes, offers the major she wants to pursue, and that have a solid softball program. SUCCESS!

What’s scary is that this is just the beginning of it all. She is only a brand new sophomore. We have only about a billion more phases to go in this plan, but if it means my child getting more money towards college AND getting to spend four more years playing a sport she LOVES, then it’s a win-win situation all around.

Filed Under: Family Matters, Girls Will Be Girls, Raising Teenagers

August Blog Challenge – Day 27

August 27, 2011

I am participating in the August Blog Challenge. Thanks to Belinda for the daily prompts!

Day 27: Describe each of your children’s personalities and chracteristics, including photos of each, age today, grade level, words that best fit them, their favorites, etc.

Caitlyn is sooo close to turning sixteen she can hardly stand it anymore, and she is just starting her sophomore year in high school. Her current priorities as of this second are sports, boyfriend, friends, school, and somewhere towards the bottom comes HER FAMILY. Yet she still manages to make time for all of us, and I envy her. She is an amazingly smart kid, and she’s a stellar athlete. She loves anything Nike or Under Armour, she usually dresses in jeans and hoodies with her hair in a ponytail, but sometimes you catch her actually dressing like a girl. What’s really making me realize how old I am getting is that this kid is already researching colleges. She knows what she wants, and wants to be prepared for it. Words to describe Caitlyn: Strong, athletic, ambitious, beautiful, and a loyal friend.

You really have to know 10-year old Courtney (almost 11!!!) to know that this picture suits her to a T. Courtney just started 5th grade, and I have a hard time realizing my BABY will be in middle school next year. Courtney is my diva, my drama queen, and I wouldn’t change her one bit. She loves school (straight A student!!), and seems to have all the boys wrapped around her finger. She loves soccer and basketball, and it amazes me how two sisters can be so different from each other. Even though I always say that her teenage years will give me gray hair, I am so looking forward to seeing this little girl grow up. Words to describe Courtney: Cute, sporty, funny, smart, and so so lovable.

Cameron is my 16-year old stepson and unfortunately, he does not live with us. He just started his junior year of high school, and he is involved in several sports (cross country, wrestling and golf). He is an outdoorsman, and he enjoys hunting and fishing. He is someone that was truly destined to be a small town guy. He works hard at his job, and I wish he worked that hard in school. It’s tough being a teenager and trying to juggle friends, school and a job. I remember that very well! Cameron has lots of friends, and seems to have a lot of girls chasing him, too. Words to describe Cameron: headstrong, outspoken, athletic.

Kaylee is my 14-year old stepdaughter, who also does not live with us. Kaylee just started her freshman year of high school, meaning I am now the parent of THREE high-schoolers. Wow. Kaylee is in dance, cheerleading and volleyball. She is outspoken and seems to have no fear of meeting new people or making friends. She gets good grades, and loves to shop. Her ideal day would probably be spent at the mall with a few hundred dollars to spend. Words to describe Kaylee: Opinionated, ambitious, beautiful, and ALL-GIRL.

Filed Under: Family Matters, Girls Will Be Girls, Raising Teenagers