Up until now, I never really thought about the state calling us about accepting a foster child placement. I pretty much knew in my head what questions we would ask, the information we would want. And of course I know the specifics of the child we are looking for. But what happens when you aren’t able to stop thinking about the ones you say no to?

A good friend of ours is a social worker with the state, and handles cases in our county. She has the daunting job of removing children from their homes to be placed in foster care.

She called today, not knowing we haven’t received our license yet. She told us there was a girl in a town very close to us that was being removed from her current foster home TODAY and they needed to find a placement today, or she would end up going to a shelter.

My shoulders slumped when I heard that, and tears welled up in my eyes. I knew we couldn’t take her yet, but if we could, we probably would have. She is just in between the ages of my 16-yr old and 11-yr old daughters. She has a love for sports, and just needs a stable loving home right now.

My heart just broke when I had to say no– that we couldn’t even be considered to be her foster family yet.

How am I ever going to be able to do this when we get licensed? How will I be able to say “no” when they call about kids that are not even close to the specifics of what we are looking for? We are looking for boys, age 4-7 years old. Certainly not a pre-teen girl! How could we have said NO to this little girl, when that meant she might be spending tonight in a shelter until they found someone to say YES?

Something to ponder. WHY, when I go into a public restroom stall and all the other stalls are empty, does the next person to come in automatically choose the stall RIGHT NEXT TO ME?

I feel like my personal space has been violated.

Thoughts?

Many times when we hear stories of kids getting bullied it is by other kids. But this latest story from the Today Show leaves me literally dumbfounded. 14-year old Cheyanne and her father Brian (no last names were given), from Ohio, reported to NBC’s Today Show that Cheyanne was being bullied at school. Surprisingly it was NOT other students that were bullying the 14-year old special needs student. It was her TEACHERS. Watch the video and see for yourself. I had to get the Kleenex at about the 3:30 mark, and the rest was just a tear-filled cry-fest for me, because I kept looking at Cheyanne’s face and she just kept that innocent smirk on her face the whole time. I just want to hug her.

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I cannot believe this poor girl had to put up with these horrible excuses for human beings for THREE YEARS! Sending a child to run on a treadmill as punishment for answering a question wrong? Calling her dumb? Lazy? Calling her a liar? I seriously cried watching this because I couldn’t believe looking at the pictures of those teachers that those words were coming our of their mouthes. It sickened me, made me angry and more than anything– it saddens me.

The teacher’s aide, Kelly Chaffins, has resigned. Whether the school forced her to or not, we’ll never know. The teacher, Christie Wilt, however, is suspended without pay. She will eventually (for now) be able to teach again. Lawyers for Cheyanne and her family are trying to make sure Ms. Wilt doesn’t set foot in a classroom again. Let’s hope they can make that happen. There is absolutely no excuse for treating a child like this. There is NO EXCUSE. PERIOD.

Dear Ellen,

I was watching your show on Tuesday and I cried tears of joy when I watched the Collins family. Their story about adopting the four boys from Ghana was amazing! When the mom told her story about going to Ghana to pick up those three brothers, and then the one other boy coming up to them and begging to come along (“If I only eat one meal a day and promise to clean your house, can I come home with you, too?”), I seriously lost it. I bawled, right there at my kitchen table.

Then you gave them the $15,000 gift card to Sam’s Club to help out with groceries, and I remembered again why I love you so much. Because you use your power in the media for something good. You take the power and influence you have with businesses and advertisers in the country and use them to help people from all walks of life. You inspire me, Ellen.

As the show went to a commercial, I saw a cue pop up telling me that this family was going to get another big surprise at the end of the show. I was SOOO hoping it was going to be more money or even a new vehicle. I just knew you would do something more for them! This family seemed so amazing– so worthy!

So when you called the family back up on stage, I got goosebumps. You talked to the parents about how the mom’s car had 200,000 miles on it, the dad’s truck was in bad shape… and my heart started pounding… they were getting a new vehicle… I JUST KNEW IT! OH how badly a family of 6 (with four growing boys!!) needed a nice big vehicle.

BUT, wait. What did you and your “friends at Toyota” give to this wonderful family?

A four-door 2012 Toyota Camry.

Seating for FIVE.

For a family of SIX.

Did Toyota forget they make those things called……MINIVANS?

Kind of a letdown, Ellen.

Sincerely, Jenni

P.S. Well, I had hoped to show you a video of the family getting their gift card and 5-passenger car, but the Ellen show has already pulled it from their website. Bummer.

P.S.S. The Ellen Show also deleted my comment from their site. I’m a little disappointed. Apparently, they censor their viewers and only want completely 100% percent positive comments being made. (IMy comment wasn’t completely negative, but I did question the whole thing about giving them a car that wouldn’t fit their family.)

Source: MTV.com

For the last year and a half, I have become addicted to the MTV television show “Teen Mom.” I started watching it in part because of Catelynn and Tyler, a young 18-year old couple that got pregnant when Catelynn was 16. At first, I thought maybe MTV was doing a good thing showing the struggles teen mothers go through trying to raise a child, go to school, work, and just live life. Then I noticed the lifestyle they were living, the cars they drove, the cosmetic surgeries, the nail salons, the cell phones… and I just can’t believe this is the message we are sending to today’s youth.

Just what kind of “real life” are these teen moms living?

Source: MTV.com

There’s Farrah, the former high school cheerleader from Council Bluffs, Iowa, that got pregnant with her on-agaon, off-again boyfriend Derek. Farrah gave birth to baby Sophia, and Derek was killed in a car accident. Over the course of this show’s season, Farrah lives in a house she rents from her parents. She has had breast enhancement surgery, she has gotten invisible braces on her teeth, and she is contemplating moving to Florida. She gets her face done at a pricey salon, and is able to afford all the luxuries a teenage girl could. When you add in the fact that she HAS NO JOB, what part of her story sounds REAL to you?

Source: US Magazine

Next up is Amber, and her boyfriend Gary. Amber and Gary are the parents to two-year old Leah, and currently live apart from each other. Again, neither of them HAS A JOB, yet they can each afford to live in sizeable homes. Amber has time and money to get her nails done on a regular basis, her eyebrows are professionally done, and she also gets her hair done at a pricey salon. Amber was arrested several months ago, and currently has Child Protective Services breathing down her neck because of some abuse that was captured on camera towards her boyfriend Gary. Basically, she tried to beat the hell out of him. She has some serious anger management issues, and I cannot for the life of me determine WHY she is still on the show. She still loves Gary, yet has dated two different guys in the season-and-a-half I’ve been watching. Real life? Not so much.

Source: MTV.com

Oh Miss Maci… one of the teen moms I kinda LIKED at the beginning. Maci and her ex-boyfriend Ryan have 2-year old Bentley. They share custody, and Maci is a part-time struggling college student. If you only see that part of their lives, they seem like typical teenage parents. Then you see that Ryan lives with his very rich parents and doesn’t have a job. You see Maci living in a $1,000/month townhouse– completely furnished– and living with her new boyfriend, Kyle. Maci drives a fairly new Dodge Charger, and they seem to be dealing with the financial aspect of parenting just fine. Like Farrah, Maci has also had a boob job, hair extensions, and gets her nails done on a regular basis. Did I mention that neither Kyle nor Maci have jobs?

Source: MTV.com

So that leaves Catelyyn. Pregnant at 16, Catelynn and her boyfriend Tyler decide the best choice for them was adoption. They gave up their beautiful daughter Carly to a wonderful couple. They have an open adoption, but still struggle with the grief over their decision– knowing its the right thing for them and their child, but still grieving over the loss of Carly. They are probably the couple I can relate to the most, not just because of the adoption– but just because they are MAKING GOOD CHOICES.

Both Catelynn and Tyler were determined to finish high school, and they both have part-time jobs. They live in a very modest mobile home and drive an older vehicle. They live within their means, and dealing with the struggles of  being a part of a very dysfunctional family. Catelynn’s mom, April, is married to Tyler’s dad, Butch (who seems unable to keep himself out of jail and off of drugs) and there is just craziness at all times. Through it all, they stick together, are supportive of each other,  and that makes me just want to cheer them on. And also give them each a great big hug.

What really bothers me the most? The fact that these young women are the role models we are presenting to society. The nice cars, the cell phones, the salon visits, cosmetic surgery and more. We give young people the impression that even if they get pregnant as a teenager, HEY-ITS NO BIG DEAL– you can still have it all (with no job needed!)!!! I realize these young kids get paid for being on the show, but this warped perception of REAL LIFE is the opposite of what we should be teaching our kids.

Someone needs to make a documentary of what it’s REALLY like as a teenaged mother. Let’s show the struggles to get the bills paid, and how exhaustive it is to come home from work and still have a stack of homework to do. Let’s burn THAT image into our kids’ brains. Not a half-hour dedicated to an overdone 19-year old at a consultation for breast implants.

Because of MTV’s popularity with a certain generation, they have the opportunity to make a HUGE impact on teenagers’ way of thinking.  They can show what it’s really like.  They can show that kids have choices, good and bad.  They need to show consequences, they need to teach work ethic.   It’s an opportunity for the network to give themselves a positive image for those of us that grew up watching their music videos 24-hours a day… and are now raising the kids that “Teen Mom” is targeting. 

Get REAL, MTV.

How about you?

Photo Credit: ZZCasche

Bring on the cute shoes, people!

Signed,

Woman with Size 10 feet
Mother to a teenager with size 11-12 feet

I am participating in the August Blog Challenge. Thanks to Belinda for the daily prompts!

Day 29: Complete this sentence: In a perfect world, …

1. In a perfect world, every single American would pay a flat rate percentage of their income to taxes. No loopholes, no deductions, nothing. Everyone pays the same percentage. Period.

2. In a perfect world, same sex marriage would be legal and politicians would quit using that as an issue to fight with each other about.

3. In a perfect world, there would be no party system in politics — everyone one would run for office on their own merits, beliefs and ambition.

4. In a perfect world, I would weigh 50 pounds less, and there would be no visible cellulite anywhere.

5. In a perfect world, I would have a lot more money.

6. In a perfect world, we would eliminate the phrase “third-world country” from our vocabulary.

7. In a perfect world, teachers and US soldiers would earn more than a professional athlete.

8. In a perfect world, I would be a stay-home mom.

9. In a perfect world, everyone that considers themselves to be “pro-life” would adopt at least one unwanted baby or at least one foster child. Or take in a teen mother and care for them.

10. In a perfect world, schools would never need to raise funds. They would have all the money they need.

11. In a perfect world, people on welfare or any kind of public assistance would have to be drug tested — at random intervals.

12. In a perfect world, people on public assistance would be required to volunteer a specified number of hours at a needy organization.

13. In a perfect world, there would be no organizations classified as “needy” and really, there would be no people that needed assistance.

14. In a perfect world, the only people that have handicapped placards or license plates for their vehicles would actually BE HANDICAPPED.

15. In a perfect world, people would take care of others just as much as they take care of themselves.

16. In a perfect world, there would be no cancer.

17. In a perfect world, I would not get any migraines.

18. In a perfect world, my parents would live closer.

19. In a perfect world, telemarketing would be considered illegal.

20. In a perfect world, kids would not be bullied or made fun of in school.

21. In a perfect world, both socks in a pair would make it through the entire laundry process without getting lost.

22. In a perfect world, chocolate would have zero calories.

23. In a perfect world, the weather people on TV would always be RIGHT.

24. In a perfect world, milk wouldn’t have an expiration date.

25. In a perfect world, bathrooms would be self-cleaning.

26. In a perfect world, dogs would be capable of cleaning up their own poop in the backyard.

27. In a perfect world, everyone would use their turn signals.

28. In a perfect world, the only people allowed in the “passing lane” on the freeway or interstate would actually be the ones PASSING PEOPLE.

29. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t need to make these kind of lists.

I am participating in the August Blog Challenge. Thanks to Belinda for the daily prompts!

Day 15: What do you think stands in the way of you achieving your goals?

When I first read this question, two answers immediately popped into my mind– MONEY and TIME. I am always quick to blame anything in my life about not having enough of either of these, but in reality– I think I should be able to do anything I want. The only thing standing in the way of me achieving my goals is MYSELF and my willingness to fight for what I want.

The problem is… most of the time, I just don’t have the fight in me anymore. I don’t take the initiative to work for what I want. I’m too content, too complacent, too LAZY to make things happen.

One big example of this was me going back to school a couple years ago. I was so excited to finally be working towards my degree, and then after a few classes… BOOM! Time and money got in my way. The kids got busy and I didn’t have time to take classes anymore. So rather than working to rearrange my schedule and fight for what I want, I gave up.

I need to find a way to light that fire again, a way to be more ambitious, more committed…

Until then, things won’t change.

During the months of May & June, we were invited to several high school graduation parties.  I gave each graduate a card with money in it.

Care to take a guess as to how many Thank-You notes I received?

TWO.

Only two of these kids actually took the time to acknowledge my gift and card.  No note in the mail, no text message saying “Hey thanks for the money and the card” or even a Facebook message.   The only reason I knew that they had even received the card and money was because they cashed my check.

So, basically they had the time to endorse and deposit the check, but not enough time to say “Thanks” to the person they received it from? 

Are thank you cards  just a thing of the past and not used anymore?    Is this something the parents should be teaching their children?  

I mean really… if I am taking time out of my schedule to personally pick out a card for someone (and we all know cards aren’t cheap), then taking the time and money to write out a check, and then making sure the card gets mailed… and no acknowledgement whatsoever from the receiver?

Maybe I’m being old-fashioned, but I guess I’m offended by this.  I’m offended that this is how the younger generation is being raised and how they are being taught to throw manners and common courtesy out the window.

I am sure most teenagers would be apalled if they invited dozens of people to their party or open house, and either no one showed up, or everyone that showed up came without a card or gift.    The HORROR of it all!

What do you think?  Has this happened to you?