Mission: Adoption

Roller Coaster Ride

March 22, 2012

Thankfully, this is not really what I look like.

Well, we got a little break between placement phone calls to get some things done around the house. Then a phone call came Tuesday afternoon that really caused a jolt to the ol’ status quo.

The call was a placement worker in the foster care system, and she was calling about potential adoptive placements for three separate children– 6 yr old girl, 7 yr old boy, and an 8 yr old boy. We could basically listen to the details for each child, and decide which one (ones?) we were interested in.

We ruled out the first two pretty quickly. One, because we are only looking for boys. Two, because of some pretty heavy issues going on with the 7-year old boy.

That leaves us with the third child, an 8 year old boy. I spoke with the placement people on Tuesday, and with the case worker yesterday. There are no red flags, there are no issues that would cause us to be alarmed. He has a lot of the same interests as we do. He is an athlete, he does well in school, and he just needs parents that won’t disappoint him or let him down.

He’s an adorable little boy in need of a forever family.

As a family, we sat down and went through everything we know about this little fella, and every one of us was in agreement to give the go-ahead.

I can’t give really any details about him, but I will just say we are going to meet him in the very near future. My stomach is in knots, and I can hardly think straight because I have this running to-do list in my brain of everything we need to do.

I’m trying really, really hard to not get my hopes up because there is still a pretty large chance that things won’t work out, that his current foster family will decide to adopt him, or that a birth family member shows up all of a sudden, or maybe we just won’t feel like we mesh well with him.

As of right this minute, I am letting go and giving it all to God. He will decide if this is the right child for us. This journey is way too much of a roller coaster ride, and I need to have faith and know that God will give us a child when the time is right.

Filed Under: I'm A Foster Mama, Mission: Adoption

Real Conversation

March 21, 2012

Real conversation I had yesterday with the foster mom of a little 6-yr old boy we are considering for an adoptive placement:

(me) Does he have any activities he likes? Does he show an interest in anything?

(Foster Mom) Well, he likes to color and to play outside. Oh, you mean sports?

(me) Well, yes. Usually boys that age show some interest in something by now.

(Foster Mom) Well, you know how foster kids move around so much. It’s a waste of time to get them signed up for anything. They’d never make it through the season.

(me) Um, ok then.

WOW. I wonder if she heard my jaw hit the floor.

Filed Under: I'm A Foster Mama, Mission: Adoption

God has a plan

March 13, 2012

Oh, how many times these words have been uttered from my lips the last few days. Our foster kids left yesterday afternoon, and while our house is peacefully quiet again, I am still ready and waiting for the next phone call.

What I have learned in the last 3 weeks:

1. GOD HAS A PLAN. I am not sure what it is yet, but I do know that He was using these last three weeks as a way of preparing us for what’s to come. He has helped strengthen our marriage, bond more as a family, and know exactly what we are capable of. God knows right this very minute which child is meant to be ours, and I have complete faith that it will happen at the perfect time.

2. EVERY SINGLE CHILD, whether they are with you for a day, a week, a month, or a year– will find a place in youtr heart. We are blessed to have known these children, even if only for a short time. I am anxious to see where they end up in life, and I am excited to get updates on how they are doing.

3. While money is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, the government does certainly take their sweet time processing ANY kind of paperwork. This includes clothing reimbursements and monthly foster care payments. As of today, we have received nothing.

4. When you have to give notice that foster kids need to be removed from your home, expect the guilt trip to be laid on pretty thick by all involved. This includes the birth parents, caseworkers, visitation supervisor, and counselors.

5. Ask a lot of questions. And when you have asked every question you can think of, ask a few more.

6. An abusive parent is not an evil person. (Believe me, I had a hard time typing that statement.) They are people with no coping skills. They are parents that do not know the appropriate way to discipline their kids, and are resorting to using violence as a way to get rid of their stress and anger. They are not able to process that stress and anger any other way, and they snap. Sadly, they are passing this method down to their children as a learned behavior on how to cope with difficult situations.

7. Parenting foster children is NOTHING like parenting your own children. I thought since I am the mother of two and stepmother of two, I could handle anything. These last three weeks helped me realize just how wrong I was.

8. Write everything down. I started a notebook for these first two kids in our home, and wrote EVERYTHING down. The behaviors, stories they would tell us about their family life, issues at school. I wrote down every single name and phone number of people involved in any way, shapr or form to this placement. Once the placement ended, I gave copies to the caseworker and kept the originals for myself. Record-keeping is very important.

9. Patience. I didn’t think I had any, but I do. While we were taking our classes and especially once we were officially licensed, I hated the waiting and wondering when a phone call would come. Now that we have our first placement under our belts, I am content with waiting for the right one that will come someday. I know that jumping on those first calls are not always the best choice.

Whew!

Filed Under: I'm A Foster Mama, Mission: Adoption, The Big G-O-D

3 Days

February 24, 2012

I’ve survived the first 3 days of being a foster mom.

I can’t believe I am saying that. It’s really just overwhelming.

And overwhelming is exactly how I felt last night when I had to put MYSELF in time-out just to have some peace and quiet and a few tears.

Tears for the craziness that has gone on so far, and tears for the changes my family is going through. Finally, tears for children that aren’t going to be home with their mom and dad for a very long time. Tears for a sibling group of four children that were split up this week for an indefinite period of time. That is the reality of foster care, I guess. The younger siblings (girls ages 5 & 1) are with another family about 30 minutes away from us.

I can’t share all of the details, but this is the third time these children have been removed from the home. It makes me wonder with all my heart just how many chances parents are given, especially when the children are negatively impacted every single time. These children have suffered from abuse, and that’s all I am really able to say about it.

But here’s a little bit of information about the new additions to our family, Cupcake and Batman.

Batman is our 7 year old fireball. He is all boy, and constantly on the go. He’ll be starting first grade on Monday and can hardly wait to make new friends and have recess. He’s a little high-strung, but can be so, so sweet when he wants to be. Since he hasn’t been able to start school yet, he’s been hanging out with me. When I have him home alone, he is kind, considerate and really tries hard to make good choices and be respectful. When he is around his siblings, parents, or former classmates, he has some anger management issues that we are really working on as much as possible before school on Monday. Batman loves well— BATMAN. He also loves playing the Wii, and is completely obsessed with the Nintendo DS my girls let him borrow. The last two days have been a LOT of re-direction for him, as he has a hard time remembering to do what is told. He also has a very difficult time just leaving things alone. Without going to any actual diagnoses or behavior issues, I’ll just say I feel like a broken record for the amount of times I have to stop him and re-direct him to something else. But I know he has a good heart and is such a sweet little boy.

Cupcake is an 8 year old little girl, and is all smiles. She is the sweetest thing ever, but I can tell there is a bit of a manipulative side to her. We’ve seen it firsthand, as she knows when her brother misbehaves– it makes her look all that much sweeter. She’s the mother hen of her family, I can certainly tell. It took her a while to open up and warm up to our family, but once she did– she’s a doll. She loves makeup, nail polish, and absolutely adores my two daughters. They are going to be such good role models for her. She started school yesterday, and had a fabulous day. I just love getting good reports from teachers, and this was one of those days! Cupcake was so excited to bring her backpack home and show us all of the papers she had. After the kids had their 2-hour visit with mom & dad, she came home and worked on her homework. She also excitedly showed us that she had brought home phone numbers of two new friends!

We then taught her our phone number and wrote it down on a piece of paper so she could give the # to her friends, also. She was absolutely overjoyed!

These two came to our home on Tuesday right after they got out of school, and have made such great improvements in the short time they have been with us. The first night was stressful, and now that we are heading into a weekend, I think we can work on getting into more of a routine.

Last night I was able to give them a hug at bedtime. I will call that progress.

Filed Under: I'm A Foster Mama, Mission: Adoption