I was sitting at work yesterday afternoon when I got the call. I always shut my cell phone ringer off when I am work, but then sit the phone next to my keyboard so I can see if someone is trying to call.

I recognized the number immediately.

In that second, my heart skipped a beat and my stomach felt like it dropped to the floor.

I grabbed the phone and started walking to a different part of our office, because I knew I would want some privacy for this call.

I noticed how sweaty my palms were , which was ridiculous, because we’ve been preparing for this phone call for MONTHS.

I answered the phone, and a cheery voice said to me,

“Hello this is ________ from Iowa KidsNet. I’d like to know if you would be interested in hearing about a long-term placement we have for a sibling group.”

I said yes, and she continued on to tell me that it was a sibling group of THREE. Three kids!!! There was an 8-year old boy, a 4-year old girl, and a 2-year old girl.

My heart fell, because I knew I was going to have to say no to this one. There is just no way we can handle three more kids, let alone when one of them is a two-year old.

I learned a lot in that short phone call.

I learned to stand my ground and only take on what I know we can handle.

And I know that there are so many kids out there in need of a home that they can’t get families licensed fast enough. Every single one of the families in our class that has gotten their licensed approved either already has a placement (or more than one), OR they have gotten a phone call about a placement.

It’s just crazy.

Our official home study and relevant paperwork has been submitted via email TODAY!

After speaking with two other couples that were in our class, we could have our official approval and license by the end of this week!

I’m feeling so darn blessed today!

Well, finally some progress.

Yesterday, I got an email from our caseworker and she’s finishing up our paperwork for approval. She included one final task for us to complete, and it was a doozy.

Mark and I had to sit down together and make some big choices– what behaviors and disorders we would be willing to consider when a child is placed with us.

Here goes:

For each of these, we had to check “Willing to Consider” or “Will Not Consider”:

Behaviors:
Abusive/Aggressive to Others, Accident Prone, Bed Wetting, Cheating, Cling to Adults, Cruel to Animals, Destructive to Property, Fighting, Frequently, Fire Setting, Harmful to Self, Hyperactivity, Impulsivity, Lying, Nightmares, Obscene Language, Phobias, Running Away, Sexual: Masturbation, Sexual: Provocative with Adults, Sexual: Provocative with Child, Sexual: Sexually Active, Soiling, Stealing, Temper Tantrums, Truancy, Withdrawal

Emotional/Mental:
Adjustment Disorders, Antisocial/Other Personality Disorders, Attachment Disorders, Autism, Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression, Conduct Disorder, Delusions, Depression, Gender Identity Disorder, Panic/Anxiety Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Schizophrenia, Separation Anxiety Disorder, Sleep Disorder, Suicide Ideation Attempts

Neuro/MusuloSkeletal:
Alzheimer’s, Arthritis, Cerebral Palsy, Epilepsy/Seizures, Multiple Sclerosis, Orthopedic Problems, Paralysis, Physical Handicaps, Parkinson’s Disease, Spina Bifida

AIDS/HIV/STDs:
AIDS, HIV+, Venereal Diseases

Eating/Digestive Disorders:
Anorexia, Bulimia, Digestive Disorders, Feeding Problems, Hoards/Gorges Food

Respiratory Problems:
Allergies, Asthma, Chronic Bronchitis, Cystic Fibrosis

Heart/Blood Problems:
Heart Defect, Heart disease, Hemophilia, High Blood Pressure, Sickle Cell Trait, Sickle Cell Anemia

Physical Problems:
Birthmarks, Cancer, Cleft Lip, Diabetes, Growth Disorders, Hearing Problems, Liver Problems, Paralysis, Prematurity, Problems Requiring Surgery, Vision Problems, Blindness

Learning Problems:
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Down’s Syndrome, Learning Disabilities, Mental Retardation, Slow Learner

Substance Abuse/Use:
Alcoholism, Drug Abuse (soft), Drug Abuse (hard), Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), Fetal Alcohol Effect (FAE), Prenatal Drug Exposure, Tobacco Use

Developmental Delays:
Fine Motor, Gross Motor, Social, Speech/Language, Sensory Integration Disorder

Abuse/Neglect:
Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Medical Neglect, Physical Neglect, Shaken Baby Syndrome

In addition to all of this, we also had to answer the following:

1. What types of foster placements are we willing to accept? Long-term, short-term, or urgent placements?

2. Are we willing to be respite providers?

3. How many children are we willing to accept at any one time? (Sibling groups, etc)

4. What gender are we looking for?

5. Finally, there was the race issue. Just so you everyone knows, the caseworkers are not allowed to ask you if you have a racial preference in a child. If you have any preferences, then you have to say so. They won’t ask you.

Last night, Mark and I went through the whole list of behaviors and disorders, etc. We each filled out our checklist separately, then compared answers. I was very thankful that we agreed on all but about 5 of them. We discussed those and came to a unified decision and I sent everything back in this morning.

Our caseworker hopes to have everything completed by the end of the day today.

TODAY!

Our final homestudy visit was done thirty-four days ago.

THIRTY. FOUR.

And nothing has happened since. I feel like we are stuck in this rut, a stagnant pool of just plain old WAITING. There is nothing more we can do on our end, except sit and wait on caseworkers and government employees to make this happen.

The only light at the end of this tunnel is that we know our caseworker is required to have our paperwork completed and turned in on or before February 5th. Twelve more days. Then it will take another 2-3 weeks from that date to get an approval.

I guess this whole time we just kept hoping it would get done earlier than the last possible day. But its not looking like that is going to happen.

So for the last 34 days, I have been trying to focus my attention on other things in life.

Pregnant women nest, and apparently– so do adoptive moms. I spend my time cleaning, vacumming and dusting our formerly spare bedroom, now to be named MY SON’S BEDROOM. (I can’t even tell you how much I love the sound of that!) I look through clearance aisles when we go shopping to find toys and books. I have bought a minimal amount of clothing in common sizes (just used stuff so far) so that we have something in the closet and dresser drawers.

I cross days off my calendar with quick precision, and anxiously check the mailbox each day JUST IN CASE our license should happen to show up. I go through the rest of our routine each day, making dinner and cleaning the house.

I have spent the last 34 days finding a church for our family, and we’ve gone for 3 Sundays in a row now. (Shocker!) I just get through each day, and count how many more days until February 5th. I pencil activities in on our family calendar, wondering when we will have an extra set of activities going on for another child.

I spend my time thinking how selfish I am that I struggle with the waiting. In comparison to many other people that are adopting infants, or going through an international adoption, this wait really ain’t nothin’.

But it’s still hard.